Week 4: Wandering and Wondering

Whew. These opening 3 weeks have been rough. Observe the following strange developments:

• The entire NFC East is over .500
• Miami is 2-1
• Cleveland beat Green Bay at Lambeau
• Indianapolis is 3-0 with Peyton Manning throwing 2 TDs and 2 INTs
• Kerry Collins has thrown zero interceptions
• San Francisco won a game
• Green Bay hasn’t
• Vinny Testaverde is on an NFL roster
  

And I apparently have no idea what’s going on, as I have yet to crack .500 with my picks in any given week. Yet.

Week 4:

Texans at Bengals (-9½)
I must be hallucinating. Bengals giving almost 10 at home? I don’t care who it’s against, that’s huge… Pick: Bengals

Colts (-7) at Titans
Paging Peyton Manning… Peyton? Has anyone seen Peyton?... Pick: Colts

Chargers at Patriots (-5½)
So let me get this straight… Pats give points to Carolina, I pick them, they lose. Hoping it’s a trend, I pick them the next week, getting points at Pittsburgh, they win. So now they’re giving points again – maybe that’s what it is… Pick: Patriots

Bills at Saints (pick ‘em)
I think no team is ever “at” the Saints this season so…

Bills v. Saints (pick ‘em)
Ahhh… that’s better. At this rate, PJ Losman’s going to throw for negative passing yards in a game by week 7… Pick: Saints

Rams at Giants (-3)
Unbelievable that I’m doing this… Pick: Giants

Lions at Buccaneers (-6½)
When Joey Harrington plays as the Lions on Madden ’06, he releases himself and plays as Jeff Garcia… Pick: Buccaneers

Seahawks at Redskins (-1½)
How old is Matt Hasselbeck? Soooo where’d all his hair go?... Pick: Redskins

Broncos at Jaguars (-4)
Somebody please explain to me how Jake Plummer is an NFL quarterback… Pick: Jaguars

Jets at Ravens (-7)
Anthony Wright v. Brooks Bollinger? There my not be 7 points total scored in this one… Pick: Ravens

Vikings at Falcons (-6)
He’s baaaaack… Pick: Vikings

Eagles at Chiefs (no line)
No line? What, was this one too easy for Vegas or something?... Pick: Eagles

Cowboys at Raiders (-3½)
If I told you that the Raiders would have as many wins as Kerry Collins INT’s in week 3, you’d probably wonder how they managed to win 7 games in 3 weeks... Pick: Raiders

49ers at Cardinals (-2½)
So who gets home field advantage when the game’s in Mexico City? Shouldn’t the Cards be irate about this? Oh, wait… they don’t have HFA at their OWN place… Pick: 49ers

Packers at Panthers (-7½)
Stephen Davis and DeShaun Foster are fighting each other for carries against this defense… Pick: Panthers

Last Week: 6-8
Season: 18-27-1

The Race For October

If the Major League Baseball season ended today, the New York Yankees would win the AL East, the Chicago White Sox would win the AL Central, the Boston Red Sox would win the AL Wild Card, and the Cleveland Indians would be sitting at home. This is unacceptable.

Time to sack up, White Sox, Indians, and Red Sox. Make a nation happy - keep the Skankees out of the playoffs.

The Red and Black is back

Last year I was witness to one of the greatest games in MLS history. DC United and New England Revolution (Revs) squared off at RFK Stadium with a spot in the MLS Cup Final on the line. The game was back and forth and fast paced and up and down and whatever other metaphor you can come up with and after 90 minutes it was tied at 3-3. Two exhausted teams went through 2 periods of extra time (overtime) with no winner. The game went to penalty kicks and ended when Revs halfback Clint Dempsey’s PK was saved by United goalkeeper Nick Rimando on a dive to his left. The stadium erupted into bedlam. Rimando jumped up and ran towards the corner flag and leapt (though not very high, he was absolutely drained) with his fist in the air before being enveloped by his teammates as they all sprinted to him in celebration. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I just stood there hoarse-voiced amid the mass of celebrating humanity in the stands with my hands on my head for moments before jumping around high-fiving every free hand in site. United would go on to win their 4th MLS Cup (in 9 years).

This weekend United can clinch another playoff berth with a victory against Metrostars at Giants Stadium. It’s pretty much inevitable that they’ll make the playoffs but it’s just a matter of when. I know I’ll be standing in RFK come playoff time supporting the truest occupants of the stadium (baseball over-supporters can piss off - if not for United, the Nationals would not have a place to play as RFK would have been torn down... you're welcome). Somebody find me a drum.

Putting in some overtime

What's wrong, pussycats?

21 point lead not big enough for ya?

Engagement pictures up

Just a quick update, got a few pictures from the engagement up. Just scroll down a few posts to see them.

Also, D.C. Male's Perspective appears to have stopped blogging, so that blog link has been replaced by Catciao's blog, "Mellow." An entertaining read, and he picks football games for all your gambling needs.

That is all.

!!!

via ESPN.com, I've learned that Washington Wizards draft pick Andray Blatche was shot in the chest near Alexandria, VA during an attempted carjacking. Blatche is in good condition and is being hospitalized at Inova Fairfax Hospital.

Dammit.

from Peter King's Monday Morning QB column...

NFL TELETHON NOTE OF THE WEEK
When the league held its fundraising telethon for Hurricane Katrina victims last Monday, one of the operators taking phone calls was former Raiders lineman and coach Art Shell. At one point during the evening, the phone at his station rang. He picked it up.

"NFL Hurricane Relief, this is Art Shell,'' he answered.

"Raiders SUCK!'' said a guy, who promptly hung up.

Seriously? These former NFL players and other celebrities (Tony Danza!) were giving up there time to volunteer for this effort and answer the phones for the telethon and get subjected to that? I considered calling to donate JUST on the off chance that I might talk to a former/current NFL player on the phone - though I admit I would've had to ask Tony Danza, had I got him on the phone, after donating, "hey, NOW who's the boss?". Really though, who's the stuck on stupid ass-blaster who said that to Art Shell in the midst of his supporting the good cause?

"The S.O." has become "The Fiancee"

With all the unfortunate news that has happened recently, it was time for something good to happen over here at D.C. Sports, and that time was Saturday, around 5:00 p.m. at National Cathedral.

On September 24th, I asked "The S.O." to become "The Fiancee" and eventually "Mrs. Captain.." I daresay she would hate all of these names, but then again, she doesn't know about this blog, so I can get away with it.

The day was overcast, but that didn't matter. Thanks to a suggestion from some inside sources, the Bishop's Garden was where it took place. For anyone who hasn't been, I'd suggest visiting the Cathedral and garden. Even if you aren't religious, it's a beautiful structure.

Anyway, enough of that. The basic rundown, because I people always ask. It was a yellow (canary/champagne) diamond measuring in at 1.03 carats. The price is none of your business :). Oh, and most importantly, she did say yes, and she was both surprised and caught off guard, exactly as planned.

And so it is done. I know I've set myself up for many months of nagging and planning, both things I'm not all that high on doing, but the positives far outweight the negatives. Pictures will be up later, blogger isn't letting me update for some reason. Check back for those tonight.

I hope everyone else's weekend was memorable as well. I now owe a few "inside sources" a drink.

***Pictures added***


The National Cathedral, where it took place. Awe inspiring.


Another view of the Cathedral, taken from the Bishop Garden.


A picture of the ring. Unfortunately, the more I zoomed in, the blurrier it got. This was the best I could do.


A slightly modified picture of "The Fiancee." Due to the fact that she is unaware of this blog, I could not obtain permission to put her face on-line. We'll call this age progression, like the police do for missing children. This is "The Fiancee" aged ten years.

We also have many pictures of black squirrels. She had never seen one, and couldn't stop taking pictures of them. I will spare you of those, however.

Week 3: Bye and Bye

Dear Paul Tagliabue,

In the future, please ensure that my team is not assigned a bye as early as week 3. No team needs a break this early. We’re only 2 weeks into the season and already teams need a break?
There is a blessing here, though, as we are now presented with an extra week to savor the defeat of our rival Cowboys. In the future, however, a later bye week would be more appreciated. Thank you.

Your friend and advisor,
I-66

Falcons at Bills (no line)
Interesting dilemma: a less-mobile Michael Vick or a perfectly healthy Matt Schaub? Neither can run very well so it’s down to their ability to throw… I’d go with the backup… Pick: Bills

Bengals (-3) at Bears
Shhhhh… here they come… Pick: Bengals

Buccaneers (-4) at Packers
Swiss cheese is jealous of the holes in the Packers defense… Pick: Buccaneers

Browns at Colts (-14)
Lost in the story that the Browns beat the Packers on the road last week is the fact that they were playing the Packers… Pick: Colts

Titans at Rams (-6½)
Marc Bulger > Anthony Wright… Pick: Rams

Dolphins at Panthers (-3½)
Kris who?... Pick: Panthers

Saints at Vikings (-3½)
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice… Pick: Saints

Jaguars at Jets (no line)
Yeah, Byron Leftwich thinks he’s tough? He’s got nothing on the punter - fondue AND an axe… Pick: Jaguars

Raiders at Eagles (-8)
Collins looking deep to Moss… McNabb goes deep to Owens… Collins looking deep to Moss… McNabb goes deep to Owens… Collins looking deep to Moss… McNabb goes deep to Owens… Collins looking deep to Moss… McNabb goes deep to Owens… Pick: Eagles

Cowboys (-6½) at 49ers
Tempting… but no… Pick: Cowboys

Cardinals at Seahawks (-6)
Where are all those pundits who said the Cardinals were much improved and might make the playoffs? They’re 0-2 with more losses than touchdowns, guys… Pick: Seahawks

Patriots at Steelers (-3)
So let me get this straight… I pick the Patriots last week for the first time in a long time and they lose? Here’s to trends… Pick: Patriots

Giants at Chargers (-6)
Chargers fans: redefining the word “boo” for Eli Manning… Pick: Chargers

Chiefs at Broncos (-3)
In Chiefs practice this week quarterbacks ran drills in blindfolds against the defense to best simulate Jake Plummer’s accuracy… Pick: Chiefs

Last Week: 6-10

Season: 12-19-1 (push awarded for missing Bills/Texans game in week 1 to make record reflect all games)

Fingerpointing

Raffy’s at it again. Rafael Palmeiro has evidently said that it was a teammate that gave him the substance that might have been responsible for his positive steroid test and subsequent suspension.

I’ll wait while you yawn.

Why doesn’t he cut his losses and just go away?

And speaking of steroid users, what’s up with Barry Bonds deflecting steroid questions toward the Katrina crisis? Shameless, really.

And to think sometimes I actually wonder why I’m not more of a baseball fan.

What'd I say?

Evidently Redskins/Cowboys games bring out the worst in me...

after Eli Manning completed consecutive passes to Plaxico Burress who was very loosely covered by the Saints Jason Craft:

Me: "Can they get someone to double up with Jason Craft on Plaxico? He's getting abused like Laveranues Coles"

after Al Michaels said Sam Ryan was working the sidelines for MNF because Michelle Tafoya has gone on maternity leave:

Me [under my breath]: "...must've been artificial insemination"
Deep Cover [through his laughing]: "Wow. I'm not sure which one was meaner. That or the Laveranues Coles joke."

FUCK DALLAS!!!

This says it all...

Yeah, bitches. How do you like that? May you have nightmares of Santana Moss TDs and defensive breakdowns all night... and go out and buy the Washington Post in the morning and use the sports page to dry your tears.

Sing it with me now!

Hail to the Redskins!
Hail Victory!
Braves on the Warpath!
Fight for old DC!
Run or pass and score, we want a lot more!
Beat 'em, Swamp 'em,
Touchdown! Let the points soar!
Fight on, fight on 'til you have won
Sons of Washington. Rah!, Rah!, Rah!
Hail to the Redskins!
Hail Victory!
Braves on the Warpath!
Fight for old D.C.!

Updates

Alright, first off, my father is in recovery. He's at the stage where he can walk for a little while, but he's in and out of sleep most of the time, and if he has a coughing fit, he's exhausted for an hour or two. He may be discharged on Friday, but it will be awhile before he returns to work, etc. Thanks to everyone who wrote in. When I wrote about the whole ordeal Thursday night, I just needed to get stuff out, the fact that people wrote with their prayers was just a bonus. Thanks all.

***********

I may have seen the greatest commercial ever this weekend. It was for some Richmond based auto mechanic called "Tuffy Mufflers" I believe. I will attempt to describe this.

"Feminie singers"...Tuffy Mufflers...
Meet TUFFY!!!

At this point, an older man turns to the screen, arms crossed in defiance of your mechanical problems. With the singers extolling his virtues in the background, we see an array of shots where Tuffy diagnoses and shows younger mechanics how to fix mufflers.

"MEET SUFFY"
(Okay, it could have ben Sophie, or another name, but it sounded like Suffy)

At this point, we have an older blond lady, presumably Tuffy's wife, and shots of her greeting customers, working the register, and flashing a 1000 watt smile.

"Tuffy can handle cars of all shapes and sizes"

I was already laughing, but at this point, they showed a small child, presumably eight or nine, with his mouth wide open in a scream as he drove a go-kart through a pile of cardboard boxes, toppling them on top of himself. Tuffy looks on, his mouth wide open in shock/surprise. If there was any more to the commercial, I didn't see it, my eyes were full of tears.

**********

On a sports note, I really hate the football re-capper, Tommy Tyge, for SportsTalk 980. I was listening to his recaps driving home yesterday, and here was a sampling of what I heard.

"The Cleveland offense didn't suffer a Brown-Out"

"The (insert team) re-financed the Bills."

Seriously, did you just use "re-finance" as a victory term. This man needs to be put at the bottom of a homemade well and made to rub lotion on his skin multiple times a day. "Come here Precious..."

***********

Big night tonight. Any and all sports fans, I gather that there will be some sort of pre-gaming in Merrifield, near to where the Sports Pad is located. Ask I-66 for details, I will be unable to attend. Cowboys fans are not allowed however, sorry PIP. I'll be watching the first half of the game from the hospital, and dealing with Stepmom, who is a Cowboys fan. I knew I had a sense of dread when my Dad was getting married.

Shhhhh...

Week 2: Cowboysgirls in waiting

Ahhhh… now how great was that? Week 1 in the NFL and being immersed in the game for the first time since early February… NFL Primetime… NFL Primetime highlight music… FOX Game Breaks… John Madden… Michael Vick turning the ball over… That’s when you know the NFL’s back. Unfortunately yours truly did not have a very good week against the spread, but that’s what happens the first week or two when you’re trying to figure out who is for real and who isn’t. Time to recover. On to the picks!

49ers at Eagles (-13½)
Jeremiah Trotter says he didn’t throw a punch. Kevan Barlow had better agree… Pick: Eagles (even giving the points)

Lions (-1½) at Bears
That sound you heard was Matt Millen fainting when Charles Rogers played into the 4th quarter for the first time ever as a Lion. Of course, then he goes and gets on the injury report on Thursday – I guess some things don’t change… Pick: Lions

Vikings at Bengals (-3)
Evidently “aberration” is not in the dictionary at the sportsbook… Pick: Vikings

Ravens (-3½) at Titans
These used to be great games. Nevermore… Pick: Ravens

Jaguars at Colts (-9)
40 TDs or bust… Pick: Colts

Bills at Buccaneers (-2½)
Ok. Who else knew the Bucs TE Alex Smith was black? Why don’t people tell me these things?… Pick: Bills

Patriots (-3½) at Panthers
Not without Kris Jenkins… Pick: Patriots

Steelers (-6) at Texans
Houston, we have a problem… Pick: Steelers

Rams at Cardinals (-1½)
RUN THE F’ING BALL!!… Pick: Rams

Falcons at Seahawks (pick ‘em)
Seahawks fans in the first 5 rows around the stadium are going to be wearing wide receiver gloves this week. They’re open, Mike. They’re open… Pick: Falcons

Chargers at Broncos (-2½)
Now somebody tell me what about the Broncos showing in Miami should make them a 2½ point favorite?… Pick: Chargers

Browns at Packers (-6)
So when the Packers win 5 games this year, will they blame it on Javon Walker’s injury?… Pick: Browns

Dolphins at Jets (-6)
Fine, so maybe LSU can’t beat Miami… Pick: Dolphins

Chiefs (-1) at Raiders
I’d pay $5 to see Larry Johnson break away from the defense and have the play-by-play guy say that he’s “running like the police are chasing him”… Pick: Chiefs

Giants (-3½) at Saints – but lets be honest, this is no Saints home game
New Orleans Saints Road Tour 2005: Get on board or get lost… Pick: Saints

Redskins at Cowboys (-6)
I saw something on the NFL Network that said Chiefs/Raiders was the fiercest rivalry in the NFL. Yeah. Right… Pick: Redskins

Last Week: 6-9 (evidently I somehow missed Texans/Bills completely)
Season: 6-9

Taking a break

I have something to write here but will save it for later as late last night I learned of what The Captain posted below. I am part of a tightly woven group of friends. We’ve known each other for a long time - many since elementary school – and over the years we’ve become like family and, as a result have gotten to know fairly well the parents and siblings of one another. I’m saddened to hear of the ailment that plagued The Captain’s father. He’s an extremely likeable individual and I know how much he means to The Captain as a father and a friend. I’m confident he’ll make it through this but – and those who know me well know what it means for me to do this as I’m not close to what you’d call a religious person – I did say a prayer for him. Here’s hoping it all turns out well.

It's been a long eleven hours...

I guess some days, life just decides to knock you down a few pegs. Such was today.

It started off fine enough. I got up, went to work in a better than usual mood, and was having a decent time of it. Around 1:30-2:00, I was finishing my lunch, and I get the phone call..

"It's "New Stepmom," your father is in the hospital, he...oh, the doctor just walked in, I'll call you back.

*click*

Needless to say, I left work immediately, not knowing which hospital or what was wrong. I got the second call five or ten minutes later.

"We're at Arlington Hospital, your father is being admitted now, there's something wrong with his stomach." So at least I had my destination, but no knowledge of what was going on.

I got to the waiting room, and was taken back to see my father. Seeing a man who was so strong, so big when you were younger, laid up...is not a comfortable image. Tubes, an IV, vials of blood, the works. I found out later he had been waiting for three hours in the ER waiting room, throwing up in a corner for much of it. We chatted, made small talk, or rather I did, since he was on morphine.

The waiting is the worst. Finally, he was taken back for a stomach CAT scan. This involved moving him to another gurney, which caused him to moan in pain, and then vomit up blood, right in front of me. Stepmom was an absolute wreck, but I tried to be as strong as I could for her. My uncle Jeff has shown up, and he was able to help some as well, I was still mostly in shock.

The CAT comes back. His appendix has burst. It burst two days ago. He's been throwing up and unable to use the bathroom for two days, and assumed he had the flu the entire time. He's being prepped for surgery.

More waiting, hours of it. I get a couple bottles of water and a little food from the hospital cafeteria. Nothing but waiting. Finally, they're done with him. The fluid from his appendix has caused a massive infection, which had to be sucked out, for lack of a better description, along with the backup in his intestines. The appendix of course, was removed. He's going into post op.

I've made countless calls...to friends...to work...to the S/O.

Two more hours of waiting. Finally we get to see him. His stomach is back to normal size. More tubes are in him. He's being kept in ICU overnight for observation, because he has sleep apnea. If he goes through tonight well, then he spends four-five more days in another room. No food, no water, only ice shavings and an I.V.

He seems to be in good spirits, but still a little out of it. We make small talk. Finally, he forces us all to leave and get some sleep. I kiss him on the forehead and tell him I love him. He does the same. I realize how rarely we say that to each other. As time has gone by, we've become much more like good friends than like father/son. I think that's a good thing, but it's times like this where I almost wish it was the old way. I love my father and I'm not ready to lose him yet.

On the way home, I have a voicemail. It's the S/O, sounding like she's about to break down.

I call her.

I start crying. I haven't cried in years. I get angry at myself for doing it, I tell myself I'm being less of a man for it. I finally force myself to stop.

Her old neighbor from when she lived in Va. Beach has died, on this same day. She just found out. Lou Gherig's disease. He's had it for years, but seemed to be doing better. It had gotten worse the past year, but still. He had a wife, and two sons she used to babysit when she was in high school.

We cry together. I need her so much at this moment, but she's three hours away at college. We were supposed to see each other this weekend. Now I'm not sure I can make myself leave the area. Long distance relationships are hard enough, only seeing each other one or two weekends a month at best. Things only get harder now.

So here I am, it's 1:00 a.m., and I'm still in shock. So much has happened today, I still can't get a grip on it all. I've never lost love for my father, or any of my family, but I'm certainly more aware of it than ever. I can't stop the occasional tears, but I'm no longer fighting it.

Tomorrow is another day. I know eventually we lose the ones we love, but now isn't the time. He's only 57. I'm almost 26. It's not time yet. I know this isn't life threatening, but this opens up your eyes.

I know he'll be alright eventually.
I know I'll be praying for the family of a man I've never met.
And I've learned that it's okay to cry.

Prayers are appreciated.

Better Late Than Never

After our game (that I sat out of) I hauled it into DC to the happy hour. I arrived close to 10 and found a space right across from the bar - talk about luck. I went in and immediately encountered VP of Dior (reportedly my sister) and Asian Mistress, and moments after that, DC Sports Chick.

I started making the rounds and met Crazy Girl City to whom I presented a blue Nationals hat. She seemed fascinated that I was me. I was then treated to a hug from DC Cookie before making my way to say hello to everybody's social chair, Kathryn.

Others present - meeting for the first time:
Lucy: Not very fond of my sneaky picture taking abilities - but I will keep my picture-posting promise.
The Boy: Met very briefly as he was departing, long enough to shake his hand and tell him who I was.
DC Last Call: Stayed past the crowd thinning, plenty of conversation to be had.

The last bloggers standing: yours truly, DC Cookie, Kathryn, Rock Creek Rambler, DC Bachelor. I had a slight advantage having arrived later than anyone else. But a good time was still had anyways. As always, looking forward to the next.

Now, I have 1 group picture fit to post but an unnamed individual has perhaps the worst case of red-eye in a picture that I've ever seen - so I'll save it. I wasn't as handy with the camera this time around but anyone who remembers being in a picture (and believe me there aren't many) can e-mail or IM me and I'll send. See my profile for that info.

What others have to say:

Kathryn

Asian Mistress

Etta (who I don't believe I've met)

VP of Dior

Football 101 Lesson 1: The Option and its variants

Thank you to VP of Dior for providing the first specific inquiry for Football 101. Don't worry, dc princess, I haven't forgotten about you.

The Option:
Most often featured in college offenses, specifically with mobile quarterbacks who are able to swiftly move with the football, the option gives the quarterback (QB) - after recieving the snap from center - the option to keep the ball himself or pitch the ball to the running back (RB).

Your common option play (let's say to the right, for the sake of conversation) involves the quarterback recieving the snap under center and running to the right parallel to the line of scrimmage. After the snap, his running back, typically a few yards behind the QB, runs with or slightly in front of the QB, maintaining his distance but at a safe pitching length. Eventually the QB reaches the point where he must make a decision:

a) keep the ball and turn it up the field and gain positive yards or
b) if the RB is in a better position to gain yardage, pitch the ball to him.

The option is effective because it forces the defenders to worry about two players possibly advancing with the football. It becomes even more effective when misdirection is used - leading me to...

Triple Option:
The triple option is a variant of the option. If the option gives the QB 2 options, the triple option gives him 3. The triple option normally is run out of the "I formation" - a formation where two running backs line up behind the quarterback in a straight line - forming an I. At the start of the typical triple option play, the QB can:

a) turn around and give the ball to the fullback (FB, running back closest to the QB in the I) who runs up the middle
b) fake to the fullback (who runs up the middle as if he had the ball), then turn and run parallel to the line of scrimmage and either run himself or...
c) pitch to the other running back, as in the regular option

The QB generally must look over the defense and decide before the snap whether to give the ball to the fullback, since doing so involves turning his back on the line of scrimmage. This play is effective because it makes the defense hesitate before pursuing to the outside as the threat of the FB running up the middle tends to hold them momentarily in place.

Option Pass:
The option pass unfolds like a regular option play. QB runs along the line of scrimmage and can run the ball himself, pitch to the RB, or see that his wide recievers (WR) are open and drop back and throw the football. This play is most effective when a team runs the option often and the defense begins to overreact to it. It is designed to get the defense to pursue towards the line of scrimmage and the football, only to have the QB stop and throw the ball deep to a WR who is normally open.

****

There you have it. The I-66 explanation of the option. Hopefully it's not too confusing. If you need any clarification or have any other questions, you know what to do.

Updates and re-organization

Well, I've given in. Since many of the same links are on various D.C. Blogs, I've developed somewhat of a surfing pattern. I've also realized that I hate it when the links aren't alphabetized, and I have to work to find a page. So, rather than be a hypocrite, I finally broke down and reorganized the links. So congratulations Asian Mistress, you're on top now. Additionally, I'm following suit and moving Phil of the Playaz Ball into the D.C. lists. As far as I'm concerned, he belongs.

We've got a six-pack of new ones up as well. In alphabetical order, please welcome Marci from Baby Bananas, who should have been immediately added when she joined our fantasy football league. I was remiss, my apologies. Next we Chase Daniels of Chase-ing Random thoughts, who writes a fantastic blog and I believe works for XM Satellite Radio. I hope she doesn't mind that I've gotten "Sirius" about my investments. We also have Circle V, who is a regular in the D.C. blog circles, we've just missed her each time, but this mistake has been remedied.

Okay, new paragraph. The CPMC Chef will be linked on here forever, as long as my stomach exists. I still have to get up to his restaurant for those cheese grits I'm hearing about. Crazy Girl City pretty much deserves a paragraph of her own, her blog is funny as hell, and best of all, it's direct and blunt. How refreshing, take note ladies. And lastly, we have Seth from the D.C. Male's Perspective, who either is, or has taken the role of Kathryn's younger brother. Our blogs are somewhat dominated by women, so it's always good to get another guys writings linked up.

That's all for now, I have a couple of huge posts in the works, including a couple more additions to The Captain's Greatest Movies. I'm also working on a different sort of Happy Hour idea with I-66, details will soon follow.

As always, blog recommendations are good, if you know someone who writes well and deserves a link.

Football 101

Yours truly has had a moment of clarity. Well, it's not all mine - it was brought on by this post on the DC Drama Grrls blog. So, in hopes that there are plenty of women out there in the blog world with a thirst for football knowledge, I (and hopefully The Captain) will offer the opportunity for you all to know what you need to know.

Instead of just throwing stuff out there that may or may not be needed/used, will the lady readers kindly tell us what about football they need to know or don't understand (and please don't say "everything".. that can't possibly be the case) and periodically a lesson will be posted to fulfill the needs of you loyal readers. What say you?

Additionally, since we're all about helping everyone out, perhaps we will consider later going with other sports (baseball, basketball, soccer), but since football has just begun we'll go with it first.

So... what can I do for ya?

How to call Tech Support

Time for a public service announcement from your friendly neighborhood Captain. Here are some tips for those of you who aren't particularly tech-savvy, and have to call a Help Desk. As an IT Helpdesk worker for Customs, I can guarantee you these come straight from the source. Never do any of the following:

1. Say something like "Sorry, I don't know much about computers" and give a girly little giggle, as if acting cute makes it okay. Believe me, it's not okay, it's infuriating, and only the prospect of losing my job keeps me from hanging up. This one applies to women only, if a guy called up and did this, I'd probably take the risk of losing my job.

2. Never, EVER say "Hold on, I have (someone else/other users) here who (is/are) having (the same/other problems) that need to speak with you." This is a major FAUX PAS and will result in me first imagining what you look like, then what you would look like after I have embedded a Tack Hammer in your skull.

3. Don't call me with an attitude. Believe me, unless we're talking about something like Windows 95, where there were tons of programming errors, YOU are the one who fucked everything up. Admit this and sound appropriately ashamed when you call.

4. If you somehow got ahold of my personal cell phone number, and call me on it, while I'm at home, not at work, and I'm with my girlfriend...buddy, you're on The List. Woe is you.

5. If you are put on hold, it is for one of the following reasons, in most likely order. A) It is standard procedure, don't take it personally. B) We have to research something, and you continuing to talk is distracting. C) You've been a jerk and I'm punishing you with elevator music. D) I'm just not in the mood for conversation.

6. If you're on hold for awhile, it's probably legitimate. I didn't realize this till I started working this job. Be patient.

7. If you have a funny name, you're probably going to get made fun of. Not to your face, but while you're on hold and my co-workers are near by. If your name used to be something like James Smith, and you've converted to Buddhism, and decided to legally change your name to something like "Rhythmic pulse in Tune with Mother Earth" it's open season on you. Other things that will get you in trouble include women with last names like "Teitz," men with last names like "Glasscock," if your name is Mike Hunt, and things of that nature. Immature? Maybe a little, but we're holed up for eight hours a day in a room with no windows. It's not our fault your parents hate you. *All of the above have occurred at my work, names have been changed.

8. It is always funny to say things like "I fat-fingered my password" instead of "I'm locked out." Little changes brighten my day. If you have one of those loud, high, good-old-Texas boy voices, you're probably in good with me. To this day, my favorite moment at work was when an old Texas guy (I'd guess 50's) called in and laid his problem out. After attempting to communicate with him using technical-speak, he popped off with this beauty...(Imagine loud, booming Texas voice) "God Damn man, that made less sense than when my ex-wife used to try to talk to me, and she was Puerto Rican." Easily the highlight of this job so far.

9. Always say "thank you" you ungrateful SOB. Government workers are the worst sometimes. I've never dealt with a group of people who collectively thought they were more important than they actually are.

10. Hold Please.

Monday Night Notes

- The severity of punishment handed down to Mathis and Trotter ahead of the game aside, you are all PROFESSIONALS. You got what you deserved

- Good job by the referees of keeping control of pre-game activities, by the way.

- Michael Vick passing: 12/23 (52.2%), 156 yards, 0 TD, 1 INT, 4 Sacks. He scored 1 TD rushing and fumbled 3 times, losing 2. Awesome numbers. And how about those overthrows?

- By the way, that’s a QB rating of 55.7. Worse than Eli Manning, Kyle Boller, Anthony Wright, and Trent Dilfer.

- Before any Vick defenders pull the “it’s just one game against a great defense” routine, he’s a career 53.6% passer for 154 yards per game. Awesome numbers. Great quarterback.

- David Akers is last night’s goat. One of the best kickers in the league misses 2 field goals that he regularly makes? You can count on one hand the times that will happen to him.

1-0, 15 to go

It wasn’t glamorous, glitzy, or even pretty, but our Washington Redskins won their season opener 9-7. I don’t (yet) have much to write about this since there is one thing about next week’s game that has yet to be decided, but for the time being we will just enjoy the W. New York and Dallas also won yesterday so there’s a very very early logjam atop the NFC East. Tonight the Eagles and Falcons face off on Monday Night Football (cue the music). Here’s hoping Ron Mexico’s herp flares up and he can’t play – then the Falcons become a lot easier to root for.

Women ruin good things...

So I was up in Pennsylvania this past weekend for a family reunion, and to watch my father get married. This year, the S/O (I really don't know what to call her, she doesn't like sports, I'm at a loss) insisted on coming despite the fact that I A) wouldn't have likely gone myself if it weren't for the wedding and B) Don't actually like a lot of my family up there. Case in point, I left the reunion for about two hours to go play golf.

So anyway, I'm annoyed because I had a chance to be a hero, and in fact was in the process of being a hero, and she ruined it. I was saving the ENTIRE HUMAN RACE FROM ZOMBIES!!!

Now understand, I'm not sure they were actually zombies. They moved like zombies, and they made those gurgling zombie-like sounds. I was holed up in one of the last human refuges, and old crumbling building, with my armed compatriots. We had these rifles, they must have been powerful, because we were blowing away the undead bastards left and right. Every hour or so, we'd leave the safety of our compound, our brick-and-mortar sanctuary. And into the hellish streets we went, firing for all we were worth. The fate of humanity rested on our shoulders. One of them caught Johnny with a swipe of his zombie claws, and Johnny, screaming, turned into one of them before my eyes. I had to turn my rifle on him. Dammit Johnny why? You were one of the good ones.

Those of us still living went on, forever it seemed. Retreat, re-load, and fire, but still they kept coming. The rifle felt almost alive in my hands with every squeeze of the trigger. Sweat oozed down my face, glistening in the evening's sunset. On any other day, I'd appreciate the beauty the good Lord blessed me to see, but not tonight. The slaughter had to continue, I had to save my people from an undead fate.

It was time to go out again. Only a few minutes rest, some moldy crackers and whatever drinks we could scrape together. Brett and Danny Boy were our point men, and off we went. Suddenly, a trap, and we're surrounded. My rifle jams...I feel the cold grip on my shoulder, and...

A distinctly non zombie-like face is staring at me. My S/O has just woken me up from the most badass dream ever. I was kicking ass, and she had the nerve to shake me awake, for something petty like "Did I want a shower before breakfast." I WAS SAVING THE FREE WORLD WOMAN!! My chance to be a hero, ripped away. What's going to happen to Brett and Danny Boy now?

Oh well, I have seen my destiny before me. Never fear, bloggers of Washington. Should zombies ever invade our fair land, I shall lead you. God has blessed my rifle and my killer instinct, should the undead ever walk amongst us. Follow me to freedom, I shall be your shepherd.

Women ruin everything...

Haltime Hack: Reply

Bill Simmons fires back at Jimmy Kimmel via an espn.com article:

" Here's my annual plea for the "MNF" crew to show fantasy stats once every 15 minutes. Don't listen to naysayers like Jimmy Kimmel, who used his new halftime pulpit on ABC to belittle fantasy owners and inadvertently started a Biggie/Tupac-level feud with me that can only end with both of us being riddled with bullets. Without any statistical evidence to back this up, I would guess that two-thirds of the "MNF" audience is made up of males between the ages of 18 and 45, and of those two-thirds, 65-70 percent participate in some sort of fantasy league. So would it kill you to show stats every so often? What's the problem here? Why did I have to turn on my laptop and hit ESPN.com in the fourth quarter to see how many yards Corey Dillon had? Isn't that a little ridiculous?

"(And by the way, it's interesting that Kimmel would rank on anyone else's hobbies when the undisputed highlight of his summer was buying a pizza oven.)"

Halftime Hack

Very quickly:

I like Jimmy Kimmel and all. He’s a funny guy. But, and I don’t know if you were watching during halftime last night, I lost some respect for him after he talked down about fantasy football and those who play it. Seriously? Jimmy? Don’t you realize who your supporters are? I don’t count myself as a Kimmel supporter necessarily - I don’t watch his show, mainly because I don’t know when it’s on – but I did watch The Man Show now and again if I stumbled across it, and I believe that many of the beer chugging, women loving, cat-calling men who sat in the shows studio audience and watch on TV are football fans too. I also would bet that a large number (majority, even) play fantasy football. So yeah, go on and trash it and those who love it. Makes perfect sense to me.

Reliving History

I'm currently watching Game 6 of the Wizards/Bulls series from this past May. This was the clincher, where the Bulls (Duhon?) inbound the ball off of the back of one of their own (Hinrich?) and Jared Jeffries scooped it up and went all the way for the slam. The Captain, Deep Cover, and myself were standing in the living room downstairs watching it all unfold. It all happened very quickly and ended up in a 3 person and 1 dog pile-up on the living room floor.

You must understand, I've been a Bullets/Wizards fan since my early youth. I sat just rows from courtside at Capital Center/US Air Arena for seasons and seasons with my father, suffering through the years of playoff-less basketball. Rex Chapman, Scott Skiles, Tom Hammond, Mark Alarie, Haywood Workman, Googs, Don MacLean, Pervis Ellison, Michael Adams. Chris Webber and Juwan Howard were supposed to take us to the top but could not. Michael Jordan was rented (I hated having him here, this deserves its own post). Winning this series (we were at Game 2 sitting in the nosebleeds) was easily the greatest Bullets/Wizards memory of my lifetime.

Now, if you don't mind, it's 83-80 Chicago with 5:40 left in the game. Bill Walton's recently said that the Bulls are going to Game 7. These are the things you notice the 2nd time around. Thank you, NBA TV and NBA Hardwood Classics. I'm going to relive history.

The Man, The Myth, The Kickoff

It’s NFL Kickoff 2005 and we’re back for more punishment. Over the years yours truly has successfully picked the ’98 Rams, ’99 Falcons, and ’00 Ravens to make the Super Bowl. Near misses include the ’98 Jaguars (losing to Tennessee in the AFC title game). It’s about time I got another one right so it’s Carolina and Indy this year. For those who are unaware (99% of you), Norman Chad (yes, he did things before poker) once wrote a column like this, under the pseudonym of “The Man” that appeared in the Washington Post, emphasizing that the picks against the spread were for recreational purposes only (in part because the game-related notes were mostly fictional). I began writing something similar in an effort to best “The Man” under the pseudonym of “The Myth” and a tradition was born – only it isn’t often that I successfully write each and every week over the course of the year. This is me now trying to be consistent.

Week 1:

Raiders at Patriots (-7½)
In a matter of a month or two, Jiffy Lubes will begin offering specials on “Patriots Bandwagon repair.” Available in any city in which a bandwagon resides – so basically nationwide… Pick: Raiders

Bengals (-3½) at Browns
Evidently “soldiers” don’t know how to ride motorcycles… Pick: Bengals

Jets at Chiefs (-3)
At least when this Priest scores on Sundays, young boys are not involved… Pick: Chiefs

Broncos (-5) at Dolphins
During training camp, Dolphins coach Nick Saban considered having LSU fly down to Miami and scrimmage the Dolphins. He thought better of it when he realized the certain loss to the Tigers would surely deal a blow to Dolphins team morale… Pick: Broncos

Buccaneers at Vikings (-6)
After Brian Griese tripped and fell on a driveway and was pushed down the stairs by his dog, Jon Gruden would not name Griese his starting quarterback unless Griese’s home was baby-proofed… Pick: Vikings

Titans at Steelers (-7)
With the current WR corps in place in Tennessee, opposing defenses now abandoning Cover Two defense in favor of Cover Drew… Pick: Steelers

Bears at Redskins (-6)
In order to best emulate the Chicago Bears receivers, Redskins practice squad players were brought in to run routes against Skins DB's in practice with their hands tied behind their backs… Pick: Redskins

Saints at Panthers (-7)
… …Pick: Panthers

Seahawks at Jaguars (-3)
Koren Robinson: Addition by subtraction… Pick: Jaguars

Rams (-6) at 49ers
Alex Smith: Subtraction by addition… Pick: Rams

Cardinals at Giants (-2½)
The only explanation for Plaxico Burress voluntarily going to New York is that he has never seen Eli Manning play… Pick: Cardinals

Packers at Lions (-3)
Sometimes even the greats hold on a little too tight for a little too long… Pick: Lions

Cowboys at Chargers (-4½)
It seems that 5 years ago, when Drew Bledsoe was told to “stand still” for his team picture, nobody told him it was ok to move again… Pick: Chargers

Colts (-3) at Ravens
Has anyone stopped to ask Kyle Boller if he actually knows what to do after he gets the snap?… Pick: Colts

Eagles (-1½) at Falcons
Attention NFL telecast talking heads: The pilot has turned off the “Michael Vick’s jock in your mouth” sign. You are free to remove it anytime… Pick: Eagles

Last Week: 0-0
Season: 0-0

I'm not through with it, in fact I'm just previewin it

In the tradition of my College Football Preview, which now looks like dookie thanks to Oklahoma, I present to you my NFL Preview. At least with this one, one loss does not mean the end of the season.

*DISCLAIMER* Blatant pro-Redskin-ism cast aside for the good of you, the reader.

OFF/PRE-SEASON AWARDS, ETC:

Best Deer-in-headlights Look: Alex Smith, QB, San Francisco 49ers

Worst Imitation of an NFL Quarterback: Michael Vick, RB, Atlanta Falcons

Best Imitation of a Statue: Drew Bledsoe, QB, Dallas Cowboys

Worst Imitation of a Safe Sex Spokesperson: Ron Mexico, RB, Atlanta Falcons

“No, I’m not the quarterback for San Francisco”: Alex Smith, TE, Tampa Bay Buccaneers

“…but maybe that’s a good thing”: Alex Smith, TE, Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Worst Foot Size/Size of Shoes to Fill Ratio: Aaron Rodgers, QB, Green Bay Packers

I don’t tell great players to retire, but really it’s about time: Jerry Rice, WR, San Francisco 49ers (always a 49er)

America’s Team: New Orleans Saints

Dynastic teams don’t miss the playoffs the season after winning the Super Bowl: New England Patriots

In case you’re wondering, they never were a dynasty: New England Patriots

Missing LSU: Nick Saban, Head Coach, Miami Dolphins

PREDICTIONS:

AFC East: New England Patriots – PJ Losman’s experience, Chad Pennington’s arm/shoulder, Miami’s roster
AFC West: San Diego Chargers – No flash in the pan
AFC North: Pittsburgh Steelers – Roethlisberger at mediocre is still better than Boller
AFC South: Indianapolis Colts – Jacksonville’s closing but not quickly enough
NFC East: Philadelphia Eagles – Window’s closing
NFC West: St. Louis Rams – Dennis Green showing all his Cards?
NFC North: Minnesota Vikings – Could put 50 up at Lambeau
NFC South: Carolina Panthers – Rooting for the Saints
AFC Wild Cards: Baltimore Ravens, Jacksonville Jaguars
NFC Wild Cards: Seattle Seahawks, Washington Redskins

Super Bowl: Indianapolis Colts v. Carolina Panthers

Super Bowl Winner: Indianapolis Colts

seen on washingtonpost.com...

at the bottom of the Redskins Notebook:

"Linebacker LaVar Arrington is now sporting an Afro hair style."

Now, the fact that "hair style" was not required since we all know what an afro is not withstanding... Who cares what LaVar is doing with his hair? He wears a helmet on the field! And why is the "a" in Afro capitalized? Should we capitalize the "m" in mullet? Slow news day apparently...

Deja vu all over again

Well, it's a result we're used to:

USA 2 - 0 Mexico

But this time we punched our ticket to Germany and World Cup 2006.

Sorry Meximelts, you'll have to wait.

The red white and blue seemingly controlled play through the first half but it was 0-0 after the first 45 minutes. In the 2nd half it was goals by Steve Ralston and DaMarcus Beasley (seen here scoring the 2nd goal for the US) that put the Mexicans away and sent them home still waiting to clinch their World Cup berth. Frustration fouls and complaining to the referees were the order of the evening after all hope was lost for the "Tricolores" as they looked to blame someone else for their 2-0 deficit.

After the game it was less than cordial quotes from both sides:

US forward Landon Donovan: "They suck... Hopefully this shuts them up for the next four years."

Mexico coach Ricardo Lavolpe (from Argentina): "Here, everyone's interested in baseball and American football and many people didn't even know that a soccer match was being played today, so it's easy for them, because they aren't playing under any pressure. My mother, my grandmother or my great grandmother could play in a team like that."

More Donovan: ""I just hate all the talking, all the blah blah they always talk. They think they're the best, even though we've beaten them over and over. Hopefully this shuts them up."

So now it's a few more qualifiers that don't mean all that much against teams that aren't all that dangerous. Perhaps it's an opportunity to get a look at some of the younger players who are trying to earn spots on the team that's now Germany bound.

Did I mention the USA is officially going to the World Cup in '06? Look out, Germany. Sam's Army is coming.

I-66 Preview Jinx

Wow.

How awful did Oklahoma look? They looked like a team playing in the Mountain West, not TCU. Well, the Sooners don't look anything like I thought they would, and certainly don't look like a championship lot. This is me throwing dirt on Oklahoma, their season is over.

Are you a Mexican? Or a Mexican't?

Scene Reset: World Cup 2002, South Korea, Round of 16, USA v. Mexico

Result: 2-0 USA

Eat it.

Saturday night, Crew Stadium in Columbus, OH will be the stage for the World Cup Qualifying match between USA and FC 2-0. Columbus has seen this before: February 28, 2001. Qualifying for World Cup 2002. 24,624 witness the USA triumph 2-0 (notice a trend?). What's at stake tonight? If the USA wins, they officially punch their ticket to World Cup 2006 in Germany - officially because, well, they have 4 games left in which to qualify... it's pretty much a foregone conclusion, but it would be sweet to do it against Mexico.

When the USA travelled to Azteca Stadium in Mexico City and fell 2-1 earlier in qualifying, a banner reading "El gigante no es muerte" (The giant is not dead") was displayed in the stands. Insecure much? For years Mexico has been the "class" (a word loosely used here) of the region, long dominating all of the teams from Panama north to Canada. When the USA (note: Mexico call themselves the "Tricolores" [as in green white and red] but it seems to me that the premier three color combination on the soccer field is red white and blue) was dominating FC 2-0 in South Korea 3 years ago, the "class" of the region showed no class at all and began playing dirty, violently fouling Cobi Jones (as they've done for years) and generally being sore losers. I'll be firmly planted in front of the TV on Saturday night watching the best team in the region take on Mexico. I have a funny feeling what the score will be...

Fantasy Blogball Running Diary

Well, it's time for the first annual Washington area fantasy league. There's only six teams, so there shouldn't be any excuses. The draft order appears to be such:

1. Asian Mistress (City Sparkle)
2. Sara (The Butterfly Network)
3. D.C. SportsChick (D.C. Sports Chick)
4. Baby Bananas (Marci a.k.a. Baby Banana)
5. The Captain (D.C. Sports)
6. I-66 (D.C. Sports)

8:25: It appears that I-66 and I are the only ones showing up for this draft. Which means there's no way any of the other four should win. And for misogynist purposes, we refuse to be beaten by a bunch of girls!

8:28: Nevermind, Marci of Baby Banana has shown up, the women are represented.

8:30: Round one goes by in less than 30 seconds...fastest draft ever.
Sparkle Superstars - Peyton Manning
Sara's Team - LaDanian Tomlinson
D.C. Sports Chick - Shaun Alexander
Baby Bananas - Priest Holmes
The Captain - Randy Moss
I-66 - Daunte Culpepper (There you go Travis)

8:31: Round two - I'm definitely going to have to type some of this up later, this is going way too fast.
I-66 - Willis McGahee
The Captain - Corey Dillon
Baby Bananas - Edgerrin James
D.C. Sports Chick - Domanick Davis
Sara's Team - Jamal Lewis
Sparkle Superstars - Deuce McAllister

8:33: Okay, at this point, I have up, so rather than throw in comments, I'm just posting the teams, you all decide who has the best one.

Team: Sparkle Superstars
QB: Peyton Manning
RB: Deuce McAllister
RB: Tiki Barber
WR: Terrell Owens
WR: Anquan Boldin
WR: Chris Chambers
TE: Antonio Gates
K: Jason Elam
DEF: Atlanta
BENCH: Brett Favre
BENCH: Chris Brown
BENCH: Jason Witten
BENCH: Mushin Muhammed
BENCH: Isaac Bruce
BENCH: Matt Stover

Team: Sara's Team
QB: Donovan McNabb
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson
RB: Jamal Lewis
WR: Javon Walker
WR: Hines Ward
WR: Michael Clayton
TE: Tony Gonzalez
K: Adam Vinatieri
DEF: New England
BENCH: Tatum Bell
BENCH: Drew Brees
BENCH: Donald Driver
BENCH: Eric Moulds
BENCH: Eric Johnson
BENCH: Shayne Graham

Team: D.C. Sports Chick
QB: Tom Brady
RB: Shaun Alexander
RB: Domanick Davis
WR: Andre Johnson
WR: Drew Bennett
WR: Deion Branch
TE: Jeremy Shockey
K: David Akers
DEF: Baltimore
BENCH: Duce Staley
BENCH: Kerry Collins
BENCH: L.J. Smith
BENCH: Jerry Porter
BENCH: Ryan Longwell
BENCH: Pittsburgh

Team: Baby Bananas
QB: Trent Green
RB: Priest Holmes
RB: Edgerrin James
WR: Marvin Harrison
WR: Joe Horn
WR: Steve Smith
TE: Randy McMichael
K: Jeff Wilkins
DEF: Tampa Bay
BENCH: Julius Jones
BENCH: Rudi Johnson
BENCH: Laveranues Coles
BENCH: Brian Westbrook
BENCH: Jake Delhomme
BENCH: Jimmy Smith

Team: The Captain
QB: Matt Hasselbeck
RB: Corey Dillon
RB: Clinton Portis
WR: Randy Moss
WR: Chad Johnson
WR: Reggie Wayne
TE: Todd Heap
K: Lawrence Tynes
DEF: Washington
BENCH: Kevin Jones
BENCH: Steven Jackson
BENCH: Lamont Jordan
BENCH: Ashley Lelie
BENCH: Larry Fitzgerald
BENCH: Michael Vick

Team: I-66
QB: Daunte Culpepper
RB: Willis McGahee
RB: Ahman Green
WR: Torry Holt
WR: Darrell Jackson
WR: Nate Burleson
TE: Alge Crumpler
K: Mike Vanderjagt
DEF: Carolina
BENCH: Mark Bulger
BENCH: Curtis Martin
BENCH: Roy Williams
BENCH: Cadillac Williams
BENCH: Dallas Clark
BENCH: Philadelphia

Boo to Asian Mistress, Sara and D.C. Sports Chick for missing the draft, they better have a damn good reason. The fantasy football gods will not be pleased.

8:59: Round fifteen - draft over. A football draft in 29 minutes, incredible. Time for I-66 and I to throw it down for all fantasy football playing guys. Anyone not involved in the league, who's got the best team?

Gazing into the crystal ball

It’s finally pigskin time. Whether NFL or NCAA, football reigns supreme… so I bring you the 1st of 2 previews in the month of September.

First, odds and ends from the off-season:

STRANGE DIVISIONAL DEVELOPMENT: ACC, seriously. Atlantic and Coastal Divisions? Because “North” and “South” were apparently too difficult.

THE NCAA: OVERRIDING THE FIRST AMENDMENT BECAUSE WE CAN: Yeah, the Native American population is in an uproar over the Indian-related nicknaming of colleges and universities. They’re in SUCH an uproar that the Seminole nickname has Native American support. Wait, what? I’m sure the Chippewa Indians really care about sharing their name with a university, and while we’re at it, the Illini too. How many Native Americans were even in the vicinity when this decision was made? NCAA, if you’re gonna bring the hammer down on Native American nicknames, do something about “Fighting Irish” too – and any other name with ethnic connotations, why be selective?

I’M GOING TO HOLD A PRESS CONFERENCE TO ANNOUNCE THAT I’M NOT QUITTING MY JOB: Shouldn’t we have just assumed Matt Leinart was going to stay at school unless we heard otherwise?

In-season developments:

LOSING AGAIN: Texas against Oklahoma

NO CHANCE THEY’RE THREEPEATING: USC

NEVER REPEATED: USC, because remember, they only won ½ of the National Championship in ’04.

HEISMAN FRONTRUNNER: Reggie Bush

HEISMAN CANDIDATES: Everyone, because any player, offense or defense or special teams, can win it.

YOUR HEISMAN WINNER: Someone who was everyone else’s darkhorse, but they never wanted to say anything about him.

OVERRATED: Vince Young, Marcus Vick, LSU

ACC WINNER: Miami

ACC OVERRATED: Florida State

BIG 12 WINNER: Oklahoma

BIG 12 OVERRATED: Texas A&M

BIG EAST WINNER: The ACC

BIG EAST OVERRATED: The entire conference

BIG 10 WINNER: Michigan

BIG 10 OVERRATED: Ohio State

PAC 10 WINNER: Oregon

PAC 10 OVERRATED: Cal

SEC WINNER: Tennessee

SEC OVERRATED: LSU

NATIONAL CHAMPION: Oklahoma

NATIONAL CHUMPION: NCAA, until you install a playoff.