Night Before Christmas Review - 2006

In the tradition of my yearly Night Before Christmas Review (2005), comes the 2006 edition.

Twas 2 weeks before the playoffs
And football fans en masse
Are rooting for the Saints
And a Cowboys collapse
Playoff spots up for grabs
And little's been decided
And Michael Irvin's gay for T.O.
He really doesn't try to hide it
Parity's the name
Even without Tagliabue
Now a summary of the season
Night Before Christmas Review

They have the technology, they do
They can rebuild him, they can
BEARS QB Rex Grossman
Million Turnover Man...
Fire GM Matt Millen!
LIONS fans can no longer take it
He'd already be gone maybe
If it was him in the drive-thru naked...
There's a glimmer of hope
6-8, playoff lives on respirator
VIKINGS fans are just glad
There's no boat party or Whizzinator...
There's still two weeks to go
Can't we just enjoy the brats and beer
Instead of worrying about if Favre
Is coming back to PACKERS next year...
Biggest game of their season
BENGALS over Ravens at their home nest
Coach Marvin Lewis is just hoping
For more wins than arrests...
From Super STEELERS to losers
It's been quite a fall
But something tells me Bill Cowher's
Not retiring after all...
McNair gets hurt every year
RAVENS wonder "when", but don't ask "why"
And know that Brian Billick holds his breath
When he turns to that Boller guy
BROWNS 4-10 this year
And last year 4-12
Romeo Crennel's tenure
Sure isn't going too well...
I know, spleen removal
But I've seen Chris Simms play
And I know without question
BUCS would have sucked anyway...
I think PANTHERS would've gone far
But QB play's been stinky
A little with Jake Delhomme
But a lot with Chris Weinke
FALCONS QB Ron Mexico
Overthrows wideouts with ease
He may have given fans middle fingers
But at least it wasn't herpes...
Success after disaster
Fans are living some sort of dream
Move over, Dallas
New Orleans SAINTS: America's Team...
Seeing almost 400 rushing yards against
Must've been quite a jolt
But Manning, Harrison, Wayne
Just outscore them, COLTS
Vince Young would electrify
Reggie Bush would thrill them
TEXANS have heard it all season
Wasted pick on Mario Williams...
Young and defensive scores
Have answered TITANS prayers
Now just keep your mascot
From driving into opposing players...
One week they look great
And the next week they gag
This season's Jeckyl and Hyde?
None other than the JAGS

(halfway home!)


Hamstring, broken hand, overdose, spitting
COWBOYS ain't seen nothin yet
Terrell Owens has almost done it all
How bout a failed pregnancy next?...
The ACL's bad, Donovan
But maybe EAGLES don't need ya
Could it be? Playoffs?
On the arm of... Jeff Garcia?...
Eli Manning is awful
New York fans are woozy
They've seen football this bad before
In that Little GIANTS movie...
Mark Brunell's time is done
It was alright while it lasted
Now REDSKINS build for the future
If they'd stop trading away draft picks...
With DOLPHINS underachieving
And Joey Harrington at his side
Wonder if coach Nick Saban
Wishes he'd gone to Crimson Tide...
They barely shook hands
Bill Belichick's a wieney
Nothing else to say about the JETS
That rhymes with Eric Mangini
Seeing PATRIOTS beaten by Fish and Jets
To me, it's pretty funny
I thought this staff was so freaking smart
Guys, you can't carry over salary cap money...
BILLS coach Dick Jauron
Is more than just something to gag on
He's brought the team to 7-7
And evidently circled the wagons...
Alex Smith showed he can play
And Frank Gore's been in the zone
But for 49ERS coach Mike Nolan
He'll be wearing his suits at home...
NFC West is terrible
So SEAHAWKS division hopes just fine
But losing to 'zona and San Fran?
Team's receding like Hasselbeck's hairline...
From preseason contenders to failed expecations
The fall has been like a blur
Hey CARDINALS and Dennis Green
You are what we thought you were...
Marc Bulger spoke out finally
When he used to make not a peep
Teammates don't care about winning?
RAMS are without horns, now just sheep...
CHARGERS are 12-2
And hotter than your mom-linson
Your MVP, not easy to rhyme
Mr. LaDainian Tomlinson...
If the CHIEFS have any playoff hopes
Winning out is simply a must
But would they be in this situation
If Trent Green was longer concussed?...
Shanahan made a bold move
Changing BRONCOS QB he benched Plummer
It's already cold in Denver
And Jake's play made fans minds number...
The resurrection of Art Shell
Has not brought back success of the past
The 2006 RAIDERS and this review
Saving the worst for last...

All 32 teams at 4 lines a piece
And still we're not quite done
Hope San Diego wears powder blue
When they play New Orleans, Super Bowl 41
There's not long until the playoffs
They're coming just into sight
Merry Christmas to all
And to all a good night...