Women ruin good things...
So I was up in Pennsylvania this past weekend for a family reunion, and to watch my father get married. This year, the S/O (I really don't know what to call her, she doesn't like sports, I'm at a loss) insisted on coming despite the fact that I A) wouldn't have likely gone myself if it weren't for the wedding and B) Don't actually like a lot of my family up there. Case in point, I left the reunion for about two hours to go play golf.
So anyway, I'm annoyed because I had a chance to be a hero, and in fact was in the process of being a hero, and she ruined it. I was saving the ENTIRE HUMAN RACE FROM ZOMBIES!!!
Now understand, I'm not sure they were actually zombies. They moved like zombies, and they made those gurgling zombie-like sounds. I was holed up in one of the last human refuges, and old crumbling building, with my armed compatriots. We had these rifles, they must have been powerful, because we were blowing away the undead bastards left and right. Every hour or so, we'd leave the safety of our compound, our brick-and-mortar sanctuary. And into the hellish streets we went, firing for all we were worth. The fate of humanity rested on our shoulders. One of them caught Johnny with a swipe of his zombie claws, and Johnny, screaming, turned into one of them before my eyes. I had to turn my rifle on him. Dammit Johnny why? You were one of the good ones.
Those of us still living went on, forever it seemed. Retreat, re-load, and fire, but still they kept coming. The rifle felt almost alive in my hands with every squeeze of the trigger. Sweat oozed down my face, glistening in the evening's sunset. On any other day, I'd appreciate the beauty the good Lord blessed me to see, but not tonight. The slaughter had to continue, I had to save my people from an undead fate.
It was time to go out again. Only a few minutes rest, some moldy crackers and whatever drinks we could scrape together. Brett and Danny Boy were our point men, and off we went. Suddenly, a trap, and we're surrounded. My rifle jams...I feel the cold grip on my shoulder, and...
A distinctly non zombie-like face is staring at me. My S/O has just woken me up from the most badass dream ever. I was kicking ass, and she had the nerve to shake me awake, for something petty like "Did I want a shower before breakfast." I WAS SAVING THE FREE WORLD WOMAN!! My chance to be a hero, ripped away. What's going to happen to Brett and Danny Boy now?
Oh well, I have seen my destiny before me. Never fear, bloggers of Washington. Should zombies ever invade our fair land, I shall lead you. God has blessed my rifle and my killer instinct, should the undead ever walk amongst us. Follow me to freedom, I shall be your shepherd.
Women ruin everything...
So anyway, I'm annoyed because I had a chance to be a hero, and in fact was in the process of being a hero, and she ruined it. I was saving the ENTIRE HUMAN RACE FROM ZOMBIES!!!
Now understand, I'm not sure they were actually zombies. They moved like zombies, and they made those gurgling zombie-like sounds. I was holed up in one of the last human refuges, and old crumbling building, with my armed compatriots. We had these rifles, they must have been powerful, because we were blowing away the undead bastards left and right. Every hour or so, we'd leave the safety of our compound, our brick-and-mortar sanctuary. And into the hellish streets we went, firing for all we were worth. The fate of humanity rested on our shoulders. One of them caught Johnny with a swipe of his zombie claws, and Johnny, screaming, turned into one of them before my eyes. I had to turn my rifle on him. Dammit Johnny why? You were one of the good ones.
Those of us still living went on, forever it seemed. Retreat, re-load, and fire, but still they kept coming. The rifle felt almost alive in my hands with every squeeze of the trigger. Sweat oozed down my face, glistening in the evening's sunset. On any other day, I'd appreciate the beauty the good Lord blessed me to see, but not tonight. The slaughter had to continue, I had to save my people from an undead fate.
It was time to go out again. Only a few minutes rest, some moldy crackers and whatever drinks we could scrape together. Brett and Danny Boy were our point men, and off we went. Suddenly, a trap, and we're surrounded. My rifle jams...I feel the cold grip on my shoulder, and...
A distinctly non zombie-like face is staring at me. My S/O has just woken me up from the most badass dream ever. I was kicking ass, and she had the nerve to shake me awake, for something petty like "Did I want a shower before breakfast." I WAS SAVING THE FREE WORLD WOMAN!! My chance to be a hero, ripped away. What's going to happen to Brett and Danny Boy now?
Oh well, I have seen my destiny before me. Never fear, bloggers of Washington. Should zombies ever invade our fair land, I shall lead you. God has blessed my rifle and my killer instinct, should the undead ever walk amongst us. Follow me to freedom, I shall be your shepherd.
Women ruin everything...
posted by The Captain at 8:07 PM
2 Comments:
bad.
ass.
post.
Thanks AUA. I almost never remember dreams, but was able to remember every facet of this one. My only question is "do people turn into zombies when clawed by current zombies." I wasn't sure if that part of my dream was factually accurate.
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