DC Sports

Family Circus Cartoons

2008-02-27T15:13:00.002Z

Much better

News travels

2007-03-21T19:52:00.000Z

Actual text message exchange that just happened:

I-66: Your boy Matt Schaub is going to Houston once he agrees to a deal.
Deep Cover (UVA alumnus currently in Austin): Sweet! Now let's see if they actually get an o-line to keep him alive...
I-66: They swapped firsts with Atl, a 2 pick drop, and gave up a 2 in 07 and a 2 in 08. That's a lot.
Deep Cover: Yeah that's like 30 Adam Archuletas.
I-66: Or 50 Ade Jimohs.

Is it football season yet?

March Lameness

2007-03-12T12:55:00.001Z

As 6pm EST approached, I knew what we'd be hearing after the NCAA Selection Show.

So-and-so State was robbed! Whatever U was snubbed! Random College should be in the tournament!

Shut. Up.

It happens with everything that requires voting: the BCS, the NCAA Tournament, any All-star game. It is an unavoidable reality.

Why? Well, take the NCAA Tournament for instance. There are 65 teams in the field, and unless there are exactly 65 of the 300+ Division 1 NCAA Mens Basketball programs that are worthy of selection, someone is going to get snubbed. The thing that contributes the most to the problem is the automatic bids that go to conferences that I've never heard of. What it means is that the 65 teams in the tournament aren't the 65 best teams in the country. Still, even if we went back to a 64 team tournament where only the best 64 teams in the country were involved, someone would be arguing that teams 65 through 75 were snubbed. We go through it every year, and frankly I'm tired of it.

Reality Check

2007-01-22T15:41:00.000Z

Let's just get it out of the way now. The Indianapolis Colts beat the New England Patriots at the RCA Dome on Sunday. The referees didn't beat the Patriots when Ellis Hobbs face-guarded Reggie Wayne with his back to the ball in the end zone. Hobbs made no effort to play the ball and while the call is actually being called questionable somehow, it's pretty clear that the flag should've been thrown. The referees didn't beat the Patriots when Tully Banta-Cain went to the head of Peyton Manning on the penultimate drive of the game to draw a roughing the passer penalty. The NFL fosters this protect-the-quarterback atmosphere and you pretty much can't touch them above the neck if at all. Banta-Cain went up high and, though slight in contact, still committed a penalty. I know it was lame, you know it was lame, but the NFL says it isn't lame - sorta like how the NFL says Tom Brady was throwing the ball on the "Tuck Rule" play when we all know it was a fumble. No, the Colts outscored the Patriots 32-13 in the second half, overcame a 21-3 2nd quarter deficit, and Peyton Manning looked like Joe Montana or John Elway in completing 3 of 4 passes for 57 yards in taking the Colts 80 yards in 7 plays and 1:17 to score the game-winning touchdown, exorcising his demons and finally "winning the big game" in what was one of the most incredible playoff contests I've seen. The Patriots fans may blame their own team for blowing the game, and they'll probably bitch and moan about the referees, but the fact of the matter is that Peyton Manning and the Colts beat them on Sunday, and that's all there is to it.

In case you haven't figured it out...

2007-01-16T06:59:00.000Z

...we should all be worshiping at the altar of Gilbert Arenas.

Before he went out there with the score tied and a few seconds left, he told his huddle "I'm not down with overtime." And the best part? He began raising his arms before it hit the net. And as the cheers of the moment simmered, one chant arose from the crowd...

M.

V.

P.

Before last night's Redskins/Giants game

2006-12-31T17:07:00.000Z

I-66: "Hey, this is a win-win situation for us. If we win, we probably keep the Giants out of the playoffs. If we lose, we get a better draft pick to trade away for more players!"

Night Before Christmas Review - 2006

2006-12-21T16:17:00.000Z

In the tradition of my yearly Night Before Christmas Review (2005), comes the 2006 edition.

Twas 2 weeks before the playoffs
And football fans en masse
Are rooting for the Saints
And a Cowboys collapse
Playoff spots up for grabs
And little's been decided
And Michael Irvin's gay for T.O.
He really doesn't try to hide it
Parity's the name
Even without Tagliabue
Now a summary of the season
Night Before Christmas Review

They have the technology, they do
They can rebuild him, they can
BEARS QB Rex Grossman
Million Turnover Man...
Fire GM Matt Millen!
LIONS fans can no longer take it
He'd already be gone maybe
If it was him in the drive-thru naked...
There's a glimmer of hope
6-8, playoff lives on respirator
VIKINGS fans are just glad
There's no boat party or Whizzinator...
There's still two weeks to go
Can't we just enjoy the brats and beer
Instead of worrying about if Favre
Is coming back to PACKERS next year...
Biggest game of their season
BENGALS over Ravens at their home nest
Coach Marvin Lewis is just hoping
For more wins than arrests...
From Super STEELERS to losers
It's been quite a fall
But something tells me Bill Cowher's
Not retiring after all...
McNair gets hurt every year
RAVENS wonder "when", but don't ask "why"
And know that Brian Billick holds his breath
When he turns to that Boller guy
BROWNS 4-10 this year
And last year 4-12
Romeo Crennel's tenure
Sure isn't going too well...
I know, spleen removal
But I've seen Chris Simms play
And I know without question
BUCS would have sucked anyway...
I think PANTHERS would've gone far
But QB play's been stinky
A little with Jake Delhomme
But a lot with Chris Weinke
FALCONS QB Ron Mexico
Overthrows wideouts with ease
He may have given fans middle fingers
But at least it wasn't herpes...
Success after disaster
Fans are living some sort of dream
Move over, Dallas
New Orleans SAINTS: America's Team...
Seeing almost 400 rushing yards against
Must've been quite a jolt
But Manning, Harrison, Wayne
Just outscore them, COLTS
Vince Young would electrify
Reggie Bush would thrill them
TEXANS have heard it all season
Wasted pick on Mario Williams...
Young and defensive scores
Have answered TITANS prayers
Now just keep your mascot
From driving into opposing players...
One week they look great
And the next week they gag
This season's Jeckyl and Hyde?
None other than the JAGS

(halfway home!)

Hamstring, broken hand, overdose, spitting
COWBOYS ain't seen nothin yet
Terrell Owens has almost done it all
How bout a failed pregnancy next?...
The ACL's bad, Donovan
But maybe EAGLES don't need ya
Could it be? Playoffs?
On the arm of... Jeff Garcia?...
Eli Manning is awful
New York fans are woozy
They've seen football this bad before
In that Little GIANTS movie...
Mark Brunell's time is done
It was alright while it lasted
Now REDSKINS build for the future
If they'd stop trading away draft picks...
With DOLPHINS underachieving
And Joey Harrington at his side
Wonder if coach Nick Saban
Wishes he'd gone to Crimson Tide...
They barely shook hands
Bill Belichick's a wieney
Nothing else to say about the JETS
That rhymes with Eric Mangini
Seeing PATRIOTS beaten by Fish and Jets
To me, it's pretty funny
I thought this staff was so freaking smart
Guys, you can't carry over salary cap money...
BILLS coach Dick Jauron
Is more than just something to gag on
He's brought the team to 7-7
And evidently circled the wagons...
Alex Smith showed he can play
And Frank Gore's been in the zone
But for 49ERS coach Mike Nolan
He'll be wearing his suits at home...
NFC West is terrible
So SEAHAWKS division hopes just fine
But losing to 'zona and San Fran?
Team's receding like Hasselbeck's hairline...
From preseason contenders to failed expecations
The fall has been like a blur
Hey CARDINALS and Dennis Green
You are what we thought you were...
Marc Bulger spoke out finally
When he used to make not a peep
Teammates don't care about winning?
RAMS are without horns, now just sheep...
CHARGERS are 12-2
And hotter than your mom-linson
Your MVP, not easy to rhyme
Mr. LaDainian Tomlinson...
If the CHIEFS have any playoff hopes
Winning out is simply a must
But would they be in this situation
If Trent Green was longer concussed?...
Shanahan made a bold move
Changing BRONCOS QB he benched Plummer
It's already cold in Denver
And Jake's play made fans minds number...
The resurrection of Art Shell
Has not brought back success of the past
The 2006 RAIDERS and this review
Saving the worst for last...

All 32 teams at 4 lines a piece
And still we're not quite done
Hope San Diego wears powder blue
When they play New Orleans, Super Bowl 41
There's not long until the playoffs
They're coming just into sight
Merry Christmas to all
And to all a good night...

Awakened From My Slumber

2006-12-18T16:54:00.000Z

Recent events in the DC sports world and national sports have prompted me to post here for the first time since I thought the Redskins were on to greater things. I was wrong, but we'll start with the burgundy and gold because this season may be a waste, but the future is looking bright...

Redskins 16 - 10 Saints

I missed much of this while in transit, but from what I've read the defense really brought it. I turned on the TV just after the Carlos Rogers INT of Drew Brees in the 4th and saw the Saints had 10 points and thought one of two things was going on.

1) The Saints were turning the ball over repeatedly

2) The Redskins were finally playing defense like they have in the past and just stopping the Saints

I learned quickly that it was 2), as the Rogers pick was the only turnover by the Saints all day and they only gained 270 yards of total offense. The Skins didn't shoot themselves in the foot with penalties (only 3) ran the ball well, and didn't turn the ball over once. With a young quarterback, you need to run the ball well and keep the opponent off the scoreboard to keep the kid from having to win the games on his own. You could argue that running the ball and stopping the other team is always the formula to win, but it becomes that much more important when winning the game on the arm of the QB isn't really an option.

The Captain thinks that Ladell Betts is a better fit for the Redskins and the Joe Gibbs running game than Clinton Portis, and thinks that Ladell's recent performance proves his point. Statistically Betts has been great since Portis left with injury in Week 10 against Philadelphia. Portis carried 6 times against Philly in that game and Betts carried 20 times, so we'll consider Week 10 as the time that Betts became the primary carrier. Since then, he's carried 134 times for 650 yards for an average of 22.3 carries per game. Before Portis got hurt, he played in 8 games (including Week 10). In those 8 games he carried 127 times for 523 yards, and an average of 15.9 carries per game. Statistically, Betts is better, but that doesn't mean that he's the better back. Why? 22.3:15.9, the per-game carry ratio for Betts and Portis. Having a young quarterback means you have to run the football more, and the Skins have returned to that M.O. with Campbell in there. Under Brunell, who was supposedly a more reliable passer, the Redskins went away from the run a bit and it showed in the stats for Portis. 16 carries a game for your star running back is not going to win you games. Also, in 8 games Portis garnered 7 rushing TDs and a long run of 38 yards. Betts has 2 rushing TDs all year and a long run of 26 yards. Betts is good for chewing up yards, but Clinton Portis is the guy that makes big plays and scores you touchdowns. You tell me which you'd rather have - and don't get me started on how the rushing offense is now more simple with less plays designed for cutbacks (as Portis specializes) now that Betts is in.

Freddy Adu to Real Salt Lake

Good riddance. It was about time. That's about all I have to say about that. Nick Rimando, on the other hand, I am sad to see go.

Washington Wizards 147 - 141 Los Angeles Lakers (OT)

If you didn't stay up late to catch this, you missed a real treat. Gilbert Arenas set a career and franchise high by scoring 60 points (including 16 in overtime!) as the Wizards eventually held on to beat the Lakers after blowing a 17 point 4th quarter lead. Arenas went head to head with Kobe Bryant, besting Bryant's 45 points and beating him off the dribble a few times down the stretch, and came out on top in the W column and in the statistical column. Bryant (who later said Arenas has "no conscience") scored only 4 points in OT, and finished 2 rebounds shy of a triple double with 10 assists and 8 boards. It's just a shame this game was at Staples Center and ended after 12:30am EST.

Terrell Owens is a spitter

Funny. I figured he only spits when it's Parcells, but swallows when it's Tony Romo and Jerry Jones. On Saturday night he evidently spat on Atlanta Falcons alleged cornerback (though you'd never know it from his play) Deangelo Hall. I don't like Owens or Hall and I'll wait to see if there's footage, but whether it's Roberto Alomar, Sean Taylor, or Terrell Owens, nobody should be spitting on anybody. Of course this will get more attention than it should since it's Terrell Owens, but it will be interesting to see whether the hammer comes down on him.

Nuggets v. Knicks

What a brawl in Madison Square Garden huh? To think I was actually in the city that night but didn't hear about it til I got back home. Carmelo Anthony wins the punch of the year award, but it looks like he pulled a Brendan Haywood and ran away immediately after. The Wizards travel to Denver tonight to play the Nug (leave off the "gets" because they'll probably be less than half a team) tonight and should win easily. Penalties will likely come down today. Too bad the Knicks and Nuggets have already finished their season series. I guess Round 2 will have to wait until next year, unless they meet in the NBA Finals.

...okay, I was laughing as I typed that last part. We all know the Knicks aren't going to the finals with Isaiah Thomas running things, and speaking of Zeke, he evidently is under NBA investigation for his role in the fight, including telling Anthony that he and Marcus Camby should not have been in the game after it was decided, and also advising Anthony not to go near the basket shortly before the foul that started the whole brawl occurred. Hmm... The Fire Zeke watch could be heating up. I mean, more than it already is.

A way of thinking

2006-10-12T14:37:00.000Z

The fact that many Google searches for "Yankee haters" bring people here should tell you how I feel about the pinstripes. I hate them. I hate them so... much... it... the.. f... flames... flames... on the side of my face... I love to see them lose like they did against the Tigers. I like the A-Rod bashing, the Giambi post-roid weight loss, and the slow decomposition of Randy Johnson. But today, the morning after Yankee pitcher Cory Lidle was killed when his plane flew into the side of a New York City building, the hate disappears.

Sports bring out a lot of emotion in me and us. When our teams play, we're exalted in their success and crestfallen in their failures. We taunt the opposition through the television, radio, or when we're at the stadium in person, but when the opposition steps off the field - and they no longer are our opposition - it's different.

Today I'm not a Yankee hater. Today I don't feel gleeful because they're out of the playoffs (though I do think it's a good thing they're out already because nobody should have to play after losing a teammate as they have). Today my heart goes out to the Yankees organization, and especially to the family of Cory Lidle. Sometimes we forget that, despite the fact that we root hard for our own teams, we're fans of sports as a whole. It's a shame it sometimes takes something like this to remind me of that.

36-30: An Overtime Thriller

2006-10-02T12:37:00.000Z

Last night the Washington Redskins beat the Jacksonville Jaguars 36-30 in overtime on a 68 yard touchdown pass from Mark Brunell to Santana Moss. The victory brings the Redskins to .500 at 2-2 as they get ready to travel to the Meadowlands to face the New York Giants.

I now bring you the true and the false of this season to date...

TRUE: I-66 is likely a genius - I told the Redskins fans out there not to panic. I told my friends that the victory against Houston was no big deal in the grand scheme of things, but what it did do was give the Skins a chance to get into an offensive rhythm - something they did not get into in the pre-season (Deep Cover expounded my point, comparing it to D1 college football teams scheduling cupcakes for their early games). So what happened? After predictably beating Houston, Washington ran up 36 points and 481 offensive yards against one of the best defenses in the league on their way to victory.

FALSE: Everything's coming up roses at Redskins Park - The offense may be awake now, but defensively there are some glaring holes. The defensive generated 4 sacks yesterday, more than doubling their total to that point for the season (3), but the secondary had trouble tackling and covering receivers, allowing Jags QB Byron Leftwich to throw for 289 yards and 3 touchdowns. The first Reggie Williams TD and the Maurice Jones-Drew TD came after many missed tackles. To be a complete team, the secondary's going to have to get right. Granted, with Shawn Springs out, they're not yet at full strength. Hopefully things will improve when he gets back onto the active roster.

TRUE: Mike Peterson is an idiot - According to the Post, the Jags middle linebacker said last week that Clinton Portis would be lucky to rush for 20 yards against them. Portis ran for 112 yards and a touchdown on 27 carries and the Jaguars were dominated in the trenches.

FALSE: Jason Campbell should be warming up - Last week, Mark Brunell completed his first 22 passes. Yesterday he only completed 18 of 30, but threw for 3 tds and 329 yards. Right now Brunell gives the Skins a better chance to win than Campbell. But seriously, Mark, what were you doing on that flea-flicker?

There it is. A 36-30 victory in overtime in my early-season nominee for Game Of The Year. Byron Leftwich showed a lot yesterday, twice leading his team back to tie the game after being down 27-17 and 30-27. He never got the chance to do anything in overtime, but that's the way the NFL overtime system is designed unfortunately. Now the focus shifts to the Giants who will be coming off of a bye. Based on yesterday's performance, they now have a bit more to think about defensively. This game will double as LaVar Arrington's first shot at the Redskins since his uncerimonious departure in the off-season. Let's hope Washington can keep it going.

An Open Letter To Redskins Fans

2006-09-19T13:41:00.000Z

Dear Redskins Fan,

Come away from the ledge. Put away your noose. Take the gun barrel out of your mouth. This is not the end of the world.

Yes, John Hall missed the game-tying field goal against Minnesota on a night where the offense had problems moving the ball inside the opposition's 20. Yes, Rock Cartwright's kickoff return was the majority of the offense on Monday night. Yes, the team is 0-2. But in case you haven't noticed, all of the other teams in our division are 1-1. We are only a game behind.

You have to realize that the Al Saunders offense is not easily learned. When Saunders was calling the plays for one of the league's best offenses (the Chiefs from 2001-2005), he had Trent Green at the helm. In his first year in the system, Green threw for over 3700 yards, but also 17 touchdowns to 24 interceptions. The next season, he threw for 26 TDs and 13 INTs. You don't just drop into this new offense and immediately start to perform. Also realize that to this point the Redskins have been playing without a healthy Clinton Portis and defenses don't have a reason to respect the run. We would all like Mark Brunell to be relied upon more to manage games than to win them, and until the running game is full strength (Portis says he'll be back this Sunday), we won't have that.

Speaking of this Sunday, we're playing winless Houston. They looked good in their first drive against Philadelphia but looked pretty bad after that, and most of their offensive success against Indianapolis came with the game well out of hand. This is a road game which we all know is no easy thing in the NFL, but it is still winnable nonetheless. With Dallas on a bye week (someone please explain why not just send each individual division on a bye for each bye week so as to avoid situations where Dallas, an NFC East team, is on a bye week with Kansas City, Oakland, and San Diego, all from the AFC West), New York travelling to unimpressive Seattle, and Philadelphia at San Francisco, it is important that the Redskins get a win at Houston to keep pace with a division that could have two 2-1 teams in it on Monday.

Look at the teams who are supposed to be playoff teams who are 0-2: Miami, Carolina, and Tampa Bay - and Carolina was picked by many to get to the Super Bowl. If we can pick up a win on Sunday we're still in the thick of it despite potentially being 1-2. We may be 0-2, but there's no reason to panic yet.

Yours in Burgundy and Gold,
I-66

Roll your Rumph

2006-08-15T15:32:00.000Z

Underachieving Florida wide reciever (I know, like there's ever been an underachieving wideout from Florida) Taylor Jacobs has been shipped to San Francisco for equally underachieving and oft-injured Hurricane DB Mike Rumph. In another move apparently geared towards making the Washington Redskins into "The U" North, we've added another Miami player to our stable which already includes Clinton Portis, Santana Moss, Sean Taylor, Rocky McIntosh, and unlikely-to-make-the-team Buck Ortega.

Now that Jacobs is out of the burgundy and gold, he becomes just another Florida product in the NFL and thus I say "good riddance". As a Tennessee Volunteers fan, I hate Florida and Jacobs can rot on the San Francisco bench for all I care.

Mike Rumph, on the other hand, will hopefully be helped by the change of scenery and the band of former 'Canes on this roster. He'll provide much needed depth and flexibility in the secondary, after our nickel and dime corners got worked like Tera Patrick's backside against the Bengals.

Welcome aboard Mike. Now go make some plays.

MNF Observation

2006-08-15T00:20:00.000Z

Christ on a bike! Minnesota's uniforms are ATROCIOUS!

That is all.

+/-

2006-08-14T14:44:00.000Z

With TiVo as my guide, my thoughts on the Redskins preseason game against the Bengals...

+ Clinton Portis, form tackler - Keiwan Ratliff got... JACKED UP!!

- Clinton Portis, injured running back - This should speak for itself, and now CP appears to be firmly in the anti-preseason camp. Let's hope he's ready for the opener.

+ Rocky McIntosh and Robert McCune, McBallhawks - They always seemed to be around the ball. Sure, it was with the 2nd and 3rd teams but it's worth noting.

- Todd Collins - Stay healthy, Mark Brunell

- O-Line Depth - Ditto, O-Line starters. Part of the reason Todd Collins looked so bad was that the O-Line couldn't keep the rushers out of the backfield.

+ Jason Campbell - Coming out of college I thought he was overrated (I still do, by the way). He looked alright last night, and was completing some decent balls (the one over the top to Buck Ortega was fantastic), up until he appeared to miss his pre-snap read and threw an out right into the zone. He's still green and has a bit to learn, but there's some promise there.

+ Starting D - Twice the starting offense for Cincy had the ball in field goal range, and twice they had to punt. I don't believe the Bengals had positive offensive yards out of their first team.

Yeah, it's the first preseason game and not much can really be gleaned from the results. That said, it's freakin football and I'm glad it's back.

Whatever you say, Coach K

2006-07-20T18:02:00.000Z

Excerpt from an ESPN Insider article about Team USA Basketball's camp

LAS VEGAS -- It didn't take long for Mike Krzyzewski to screw up royally in his new job as coach of Team USA. He did it before day one was even in the books.

Rather than tell the team its job is to win the World Championship on the night of Sept. 3, Coach K gave the players exactly the kind of misguided advice they didn't need to hear.

"We have to go out there and be dominant for 56 quarters -- every quarter of every game we play. That's our mission," Gilbert Arenas told me following Team USA's first practice Wednesday.

"Who on earth told you that?" I asked.

"Coach Mike," Arenas replied.

Great choice, by the way, for head coach of Team USA.

AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

2006-06-13T16:37:00.000Z

You can't make this stuff up.

I wish I was kidding

2006-05-24T18:03:00.000Z

Say it ain't so.

Jeb Bush for NFL Commissioner? If that happened, we'd see headlines like this next year:

NFL DECLARES WAR ON MLB, SAYS THEY'RE HIDING STEROIDS... SOMEWHERE

PRICES OF NFL MERCHANDISE RISING WITH NO END IN SIGHT

NFL DEPUTY COMMISSIONER HITS FRIEND IN FACE WITH FOOTBALL, FRIEND SORRY FOR GETTING IN THE WAY

COMMISSIONER BUSH: 'I AM THE COMMISSIONER. I COMMISSION.', NFL IN TROUBLE

Get it right, NFL. Reggie Bush, yes. Jeb Bush, no.

Hall of Lame... Arguments

2006-05-16T17:38:00.000Z

Doug Flutie does not belong in the Hall of Fame.

ESPN.com's Mark Kreidler seems not to write that Flutie does or does not belong, but instead that he should be considered based on his accomplishments.

I say that's crazy.

Yes, it is called the Pro Football Hall of Fame, not the National Football League Hall of Fame. Yes, Warren Moon is being inducted into the Hall this August with a rather accomplished CFL resume. Yes, Doug Flutie had good numbers in the Canadian Football League. All of this is well and good but there's one thing missing from all of this...

CFL ≠ NFL

Any argument saying that CFL stats have to be considered without emphasizing that the CFL is inferior talent wise to the NFL is ridiculous. Kriedler notes that Flutie spent most of his time in the NFL as a backup, and isn't that enough of a vote against Flutie for any Hall consideration? How many career backups do you know of in the HOF? Yes, Moon's records were inflated in the Run n' Shoot offense, but he set the single-season passing record in his first year in Oilers blue - 2 years before they started running the Run n' Shoot. He broke his own record 4 more times. When he retired, Moon ranked 3rd and 4th respectively in career passing yards and touchdown passes.

And that's in the NFL, not in Pro Football.

Doug Flutie was a good quarterback. He's had memorable moments throughout his career (college, CFL, NFL), but he doesn't belong in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Is there a CFL Hall of Fame? If so, he should be first ballot there, not here.

Don't call it a comeback

2006-04-13T12:36:00.000Z

So we're catching up on a lot of sports news here. I apologize for the lack of posting, but keeping up two blogs is no easy thing (ahem).

Terrell Owens to Dallas: Oh, like it needed to be any easier to hate Dallas?

US 1 - 1 Jamaica: No big deal, though neither of those goals were pretty, and Tony Meola just looked awful. My World Cup roster is to come.

Duke lacrosse scandal: It's not looking very good for the stripper now is it? A lack of matching DNA is a crucial blow to her case. I feel sorry for those kids if it turns out she fabricated it. Sure, it wasn't the wisest thing for them to have had such a party, but to lose their season over it is a little extreme - if it turns out not to be fact. Now, if her allegations are legit, then they deserve whatever it is that they get.

NFL Draft: Oh yes... another year without a first round pick. These mock drafts are fun, though. I think I can outscore Vince Young on the Wonderlic. Houston is crazy if they don't draft Reggie Bush - but I don't believe for one second that they won't.

Bonds on Bonds: Stop me if I start to care.

Wizards Wilting: But still in 5th, poised to face Cleveland in the first round. Hold on, boys. I'd rather play Cleveland right now than any other of the top 4.

Shielded from justice

2006-04-05T12:35:00.000Z

On Bunch of Bull's first goal against United on Sunday, Chris Henderson and Seth Stammler stood on the edge of the six, in an offside position, while Djorkaeff struck the free kick. Perkins evidently was shielded attributing to his inability to get to the shot in the upper 90.

"And after reviewing the play, MLS and the U.S. Soccer Federation concluded yesterday that the goal should not have counted."

Thanks guys. Way to get it right after the game...

DC United in Positives and Negatives

2006-04-03T12:42:00.000Z

Negative: Troy Perkins - That was an awful bobble. Either catch it, or punch it into oblivion. Under no circumstances do you drop it right at your feet in traffic. That wasted the effort of...

Positive: Defense - They held the MetBulls to 4 shots on goal, more or less keeping Perkins from having to make too many plays. Of course, when called upon to make a play, Perkins screwed the pooch. Yeah, the first goal was nearly unstoppable, but the second was all his fault. Trivia question: who gave the foul resulting in the free kick goal? Answer:...

Negative: Freddy Adu - His foul not withstanding, Freddy was ineffective. His passes were off, his dribbling was over-abundant, and he was owned by Marvell Wynne, who may not have left a single ball by him all game.

Positive: Alecko Eskandarian - Wow. What a way to re-emerge.

Negative: A draw at home to a bunch of Bull (before the game).

Positive: A draw at home to a bunch of Bull after being down 2-0 (after the game).

USA / Germany - A Running Diary

2006-03-22T21:28:00.000Z

2:29pm - I'm all set. Mountain Dew in hand and the TV tuned to ESPN2. The teams are coming out onto the field. The US starters:

GK: Keller
D: Berhalter, Gibbs, Conrad
M: Convey(LM), Zavagnin(DM), Mastroeni(DM), Cherundolo(RM), Wolff (CAM)
F: Ching, Johnson

A 3-5-2 for the Stars and Stripes. I like Cherundolo at right half. He's good attacking out of the back and won't likely forget his defensive responsibilities. Kerry Zavagnin needs to impress me.

2:34 - ESPN2 just showed the Torsten Frings handball against the US in 2002. I feel venom rising inside of me. USA! USA!

2:35 - The temperature is 35 degrees. Berhalter's the only US starter in short sleeves. Did somebody forget to remind him? We have kickoff!

2:36 - Berhalter just gave the ball away to Miroslav Klose. Then he turned and screamed "That'll teach you to change on me!" to his team. Just kidding about that last part.

2:38 - German fans are shouting for a handball on Cherundolo. I don't think so, cheaters.

2:39 - According to the bottom line, Claudio Reyna will be out (shoulder) for 3-4 weeks. Can't he ever stay healthy? Meantime, Josh Wolff is slow getting up - I guess they need to let Claudio know they're thinking about him. Corner for the States.

2:41 - Seriously, how many black Germans do you know? Wolff is off getting attention, US with 10 men. Germans are controlling play

2:46 - The Germans still look more dangerous...

2:47 - ...and nearly put one in. Podulsky shoots it wide but Keller had the post covered. Time to wake up, guys.

2:48 - The defense must've hit the snooze as Friedrich crosses to Ballack who heads it just wide. This doesn't bode well.

2:49 - Convey gets deep, drops to Gibbs who shoots and Wolff's deflection goes wide. More of that would be good. I've just noticed the "ROAD TO GERMANY" under the score graphic at the top of the screen. Um... guys? Aren't we already here?

2:51 - GO PABLO GO!

2:52 - Chris Klein on for Josh Wolff. Klein goes wide, I suppose, but who slides into the center of the midfield?

2:55 - Nevermind. Marcelo Balboa says that we've gone to a 4-4-2 with Klein in the back. The play-by-play guy (I don't know who he is) says Wolff has a mild concussion. Say it with me now: "what's mild about a concussion?"

3:00 - Corey Gibbs has been doing well on Gerald Asamoah (Ah-sah-moe-uh). He's not looking very Asam right now. [badumching] Bobby looks almost like he's playing in the middle, with Cherundolo dropping to right back and Klein moving up to right half.

3:03 - Late tackle by Zavagnin draws a yellow card. That's so not impressing me.

3:04 - Friedrich cleats Johnson on a late tackle. No card for that one...

3:12 - Best chance for the States. A Cherundolo free kick fom 25 and left of goal that gets flicked on by Johnson and bobbled by Kahn. Great ball by Steve.

3:17 - Great individual work by Convey on a long run after an outlet pass from Berhalter leads to a corner. Kahn has to dive and punch the cross away

3:21 - Halftime. Bobby's looked dangerous, Gibbs looks solid in the back, and I'm going to the bathroom.

3:38 - And we're back for the 2nd half. No changes for the US as I sit here hoping -- before I could finish writing this, Miroslav Klose scores to make it 1-0 for Handball FC. Looking for Bruce to make some changes now...

3:40 - I forgot I heated up the leftover Domino's cheesey bread...

3:42 - The goal goes to Bastian Schweinsteiger, Klose never touched it.

3:44 - I just checked. We still won World War 2.

3:50 - Taylor Twellman's warming up. For Ching?

3:52 - Yup. Twellman for Ching as Balboa says "not a great performance". I agree, he was almost invisible.

3:57 - The play-by-play guy just said Bobby was "continuing to rise his stock". Right.

3:58 - Kahn robs Eddie Johnson of the equalizer on a header off of a cross. Huge play.

3:59 - KAAAAAAAAAHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!

4:05 - Indecision in the back leads to an Oliver Neuville goal and a peeved Bruce Arena who looks like he just came home to a burned down house. Two defenders hesitated and let a ball bounce between them and a pass to Neuville led to a looping shot over Keller. Not his fault.

4:07 - DC United sighting! Ben Olsen for Pablo Mastroeni

4:08 - 3-0 Germany. Miroslav Klose. I'm about to turn off the TV. Credit that one to Berhalter, who was also part of the hesitation on the 2nd goal.

4:09 - Heath Pearce for Corey Gibbs.

4:11 - Michael Ballack makes it 4-0 for Germany. I don't think Bruce Arena's moved or changed his facial expression. Terrible defensive lapses here.

4:12 - Cherundolo tests Kahn but is steered aside. Cherundolo's played well.

4:17 - Keller triggers a counter-attack with a toss to Cherundolo who sent a ball high and long to Johnson. Kahn came for it and Johnson slipped and fell and took out a leaping Kahn as the ball trickled into the net. 4-1 Germany.

4:25 - Mercifully it ends. I almost would've rather been at work.

The Yanks Are Coming

2006-03-22T17:52:00.000Z

Today is the friendly between the US and Handball FC. The Germans are still smarting from a 4-1 whooping put on them by the Azzuri (Italy) and there is tons of public pressure on Germany to perform well today for two reasons:

1) Because they are supposed to be an international power, and losing 4-1 to anyone is unacceptable

2) We're Americans, and losing to us is on the soccer field without the aide of Sly or Pele is even more unacceptable

We're not taking a full-strength side over there, and they aren't showing us a full-strength side themselves. I'm saturated by anticipation of the 2:30pm kickoff, and I hope all you footy freaks out there are going to be watching.

Prediction: 2-1 Stars and Stripes, and Sam's Army sings into the night...

Sad day...

2006-03-20T18:48:00.000Z

So long, Tags.

I read this and groaned.

Paul Tagliabue guided the NFL to its current position as the nation's number one professional sport and America's Pastime (sorry, baseball, you're riding shotgun these days). Here's hoping the next commish can keep the ship afloat.

Evil is as evil does

2006-03-20T14:44:00.000Z

Upon hearing that Terrell Owens has gone to Dallas, I called Deep Cover and left the following voicemail:

"Does Terrell Owens becoming a Cowboy make Owens more evil? Or does it make Dallas more evil? Or is it both? I think it's both."

What say you?

Stop me if I start to care

2006-03-14T16:15:00.000Z

For a few years prior to 2005, I was far from a baseball fan. I declared the Baltimore Orioles not to be my home team -- because they're from Baltimore. I hated (and still do) Peter Angelos for trying to keep baseball out of DC. I didn't watch baseball highlights. I didn't watch baseball games until the playoffs.

Then the Washington Nationals arrived. I now had a reason to watch, and an actual team for which to root. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a die hard baseball fan now by any stretch of the imagination. Why? Because I wipe my ass with the World Baseball Classic.

I can't watch this. Some of the best players were pulling out of the competition as if there were some sort of condom shortage. Buck Martinez bought an overturn of a call by talking to the home plate ump against Japan. Oh, and Pay-Rod plays for the USA. American or not, under no circumstances can I root for him.

Wake me when you're through, World Baseball Classic. I've got NFL free agency and the NFL mock drafts to pay attention to.

September 4th comes early this year

2006-03-13T15:00:00.000Z

Now that there is labor peace again in the NFL, free agency has been jumpin. What have we here?

- Antwaan Randle El a Redskin: I'm a tad skeptical of the amount of money Dan Snyder threw at him, (27 over 6) but he's a game changer. He's big in the return game, and pretty versatile. Let's hope Al Saunders knows how to use him. Brandon Lloyd as a 3 isn't a bad addition either, especially for a 3 this year and a 4 next.

- Edgerrin James to Arizona: Big news. First because the Cards can finally improve on their 71 rushing yards per game average from last year. Second because now the Colts need desperately to find a tailback. Draft? Free agency?

- Mike Anderson to Denver: When will people learn that it's more the system in Denver than the back? See Olandis Gary, and all those TDs Reuben Droughns got last year in Cleveland.

- Will Witherspoon, Ram tough: I'd hoped the Skins would get in on Witherspoon to replace LaVar. No dice, but a good pull by Saint Louis.

- Cleveland rocks: In the time it takes to write this, Cleveland will have added another free agent. Okay, maybe not, but the biggest move for me was getting Jurevicius and keeping him out of lame New England.

- The last thing I'll touch on here is the run made at Drew Brees by the Saints. If they land him before Miami can, will they trade their pick? Draft Leinart anyway? (deja vu for Drew) I'd bet on the former. Someone'll pay a lot to move up... Dallas?

UPDATE:

AR-chu-LET-a! (clap, clap, clap-clap-clap)

Quote of the day

2006-03-07T19:48:00.000Z

"Adrian is a hammer. He kicks anything that moves and has an efficient grace with the ball. We needed some ferocity and bite in our midfield to compliment the 'artistic' side and we think Adrian is just what the doctor ordered. My only concern is finding someone who can translate Canadian." - Metros GM Alexi Lalas after they acquired Adrian Serioux, a Canadian.

Here and there...

2006-03-07T16:50:00.000Z

- The Owners' vote on the latest CBA proposal looms. I'm not holding my breath, but I am anxious. 24 votes needed, right? PLEASE get 24...

- Houston Dynamo? Seriously?! That's awful. Certainly you could have come up with something less cookie-cutter.

- Arrington's departure does not a happy me make. I will be even less happy if he goes to the Giants. ESPN writes that, should Arrington go to New York, he'll be reunited with former teammate Aaron Pierce. I'm pretty sure that they mean Antonio, unless Antonio's changed his name, aged more than 10 years, and became a tight end.

- Congratulations Lady Vols. May the SEC title not be your only one this March.

Curious...

2006-03-06T20:07:00.000Z

I took a glance at the Top 25 on .com today and everything looked alright. I noticed one very strange thing. Take a look below at the Top 10 and see if you can pick it out...

What former Tar Heel voted UNC #1 for beating Duke? Seriously? Was that totally necessary? I hate Duke, don't get me wrong, but doesn't that seem a little contrary? Then again, beating Duke at Cameron on JJ Redick's senior night is pretty damn enjoyable...

Duck Fook

2006-03-02T14:11:00.000Z

I don't have much to offer on the NFL Collective Bargaining Agreement crisis. I'm really just holding out hope that the big market owners and small market owners can stop fighting eachother and get something hashed out. I love my football and a looming labor stoppage gives me nightmares. I'll just sit in silence in hopes that they get their heads on straight before the deadline.

In other news...

Yeah. Eat it, Dook.

Axis of Evil

2006-02-28T12:55:00.000Z

Bill Parcells meeting with Drew Rosenhaus? Agent for Terrell Owens?

Yeah, getting Owens would be a tremendous victory for Dallas. Too bad they don't have a quarterback to throw him the ball...

Besides, everyone knows that it'll be 1 year (tops) before Owens wears out his welcome and needs to be shipped elsewhere. How long is it before he stops getting "another chance"?

They can take our WUSA, but they'll never take...

2006-02-22T04:22:00.000Z

I was saddened when the WUSA collapsed prior to the 2003 World Cup. I had followed the league since it began and went to my share of Washington Freedom games. I encountered a pair of Freedom players at an old job a month or two before their first ever game. They were surprised that I knew who they were and encouraged me to come out to the stadium. Deep Cover and I went to RFD for the watching party for the Founders Cup in 2002 where the Freedom became the last champions of the WUSA.

For the past 2½ years, the only womens' soccer to be found has been the W-League (semi-pro). The games aren't televised (save the playoffs on Fox Soccer Channel), and the closest team to here is the Northern Virginia Majestics, who play their games in Woodbridge. Now comes word from the W-League that the Freedom are returning. Washington Freedom SC will begin play this spring as an "associate member" of the W-League. According to the article, the team is mostly intact and will play 14 games, calling the Soccerplex in Germantown, MD their home. Anyone who thinks I'm not going to some games is crazy... especially if Casey Zimny and Sarah Kate Noftsinger are still around...

9 8

2006-02-20T23:09:00.000Z

Kenny Smith is a fraud.

Did you watch the slam dunk contest at NBA All Star weekend? I was out on Saturday night so I recorded it. I'm glad I did.

As you may know, Andre Iguodala and Nate Robinson had a dunk-off to decide a winner after they were tied after the finals. The fact that they were tied is my point of contention. Andre Iguodala needed a 45 or better on his 2nd dunk to beat Robinson after Robinson's 2nd dunk, when he got a perfect score of 50 for leaping over Spud Webb. Iguodala came from the side, went between his legs, and dunked the ball with one hand after going under the rim. Kenny Smith, who had been cheering openly for Robinson, had a 9 in his hands but did not hold it above his head. 3 of the other 4 judges held up their scores (scores of 8, 9, and 9) and Moses Malone, another judge, had picked up a 10 and seemingly intended to hold it up. Kenny Smith looked down the line to his right (he was at the far left of the judges' table) and appeared to see the other scores before putting down the 9 and switching to an 8, giving Iguodala a score of 44 and sending him with Robinson to a dunk-off. Smith was the only judge excited, pounding his fists on the table and excitedly repeating "It's a dunk-off! It's a dunk-off!"

Iguodala lost to Robinson in the dunk-off, despite having perhaps the two best dunks of the night. Way to go, Kenny Smith.

MLS goes GQ?

2006-02-15T17:34:00.000Z

Okay. Not really. But 7 of its players were part of a Maxim Magazine shoot (March). My thoughts are all over the place on this one:

The 7 participating players are as follows (L to R):

- Brian Ching, Houston 1836

- Eddie Johnson, Kansas City Wizards (he's been traded from FC Dallas but profile still has him in Dallas)

- Taylor Twellman, New England Revolution

- Landon Donovan, Los Angeles Galaxy

- Chris Albright, Los Angeles Galaxy

- Clint Dempsey, New England Revolution

- Pablo Mastroeni, Colorado Rapids

These players are called the game's "brightest stars" by MLSnet.com and I'm fine with that for 6 of the 7... My problem is the inclusion of Chris Albright here. Any learned DC United fan knows that Chris Albright was rubbish when he was here. In my opinion he still IS rubbish and doesn't deserve to wear an MLS shirt, much less be called one of its brightest stars and appear in a prominent magazine.

That said, I'm all for the league growing in the public's conscience. The World Cup is right around the corner and all 7 of the players included have suited up for the US National Team in the past and stand at the very least half a chance of being included in the side that travels to Germany (Bruce Arena, if you're reading, please leave behind Albright. There are at least 15 American defenders better than he is).

Furthermore, I'm a tad disappointed to not see any DC United players included here, but I also realize that there isn't really anyone on the roster for the black and red that is worthy. Granted, if Alecko Eskandarian had had the privilege of not being eradicated by the knee of Matt Reis, he might be in the picture for the US. I'm glad the decision was made (no matter who made it) to not include Freddy Adu in the group because "everyone knows who he is" or whatever reason might have been enough to include him anyway. Freddy has talent, but he's not a top of the line player in MLS right now. He's playing a man's game now, and if he keeps acting like a kid (though he may still be), he's not GOING to become a top of the line player.

All in all, this is a great thing for MLS here in the states. The more people that learn about the league and its players the better. Bring on the World Cup.

PS: At the All-Star game at RFK (2004?), I found myself in a section very close to an on-field situation where Adu was slowly carrying the ball towards Albright who was in a soft backpedal. Freddy looked hesitant to go at him and I jumped out of my seat and screamed, "Just beat him! He's Chris Albright!"... Raucous laughter from my section. I guess they think the same way.

Call me crazy...

2006-02-14T12:31:00.000Z

...but isn't JJ's name spelled with 1 D?

He's on top. He's so great we don't even know how to spell his name.

Who am I?

2006-02-13T19:55:00.000Z

I am a professional athlete.

When I was injured, I was unable to participate in the qualifying for my team's international competition.

I complained, petitioning to have an exemption made for me.

I was successful in getting myself onto the team, bumping someone more deserving of the spot from the team.

I flew halfway across the world to participate competitively, only to come up lame in practice.

I withdrew from the competition, tucking my tail between my legs and saying that not winning the competition at this level would be okay, even though I went so far out of my way to get here.

I will now watch on TV as the person I originally bumped off of the team now competes in my place, just as it should have been in the beginning.

I suck.

Who am I?

This amuses me

2006-02-07T17:58:00.000Z

Okay, I posted this also on Yeah, so I'm... but I had to do it here too:

comic: Cleats, viewable on yahoo.com

Not exactly "Bowled Over"

2006-02-06T23:06:00.000Z

Well, that was uninspiring. It's safe to say this was a pretty uninspiring Super Bowl, compared to recent offerings. We could go on and on about the mistakes both teams made (there were plenty) and the horrible officiating (it seemed like they really wanted Pittsburgh to win) and go on to the important stuff.

The commercials: Overall weren't that great. My vote goes to the "Magic Fridge" with honorable mentions to the Fed Ex Caveman, the "You were open and now you're CLOSED!!" ad, and the young Clydesdale horse ad, which was surprisingly heartwarming.

How much of an asshole Joe Montana is. For those that tuned in late, part of the pregame ceremony included bringing back all the previous Super Bowl MVP's. This included three of the greatest men ever, John Riggins, Doug Williams and Mark Rypien, as well as other heroes of the past. Notably absent were Terry Bradshaw and Joe Montana.

Terry Bradshaw has a longstanding dispute with the people of Pittsburgh, and felt it would be too stressful for him to attend, given that this was basically a Steelers home game. I can handle that.

Joe Montana wanted the NFL to guarantee him a minimum $100,000 appearance fee, and refused to show up when the guarantee didn't happen. Are you kidding me? Listen asshole, your reputation is forged from three things...Super Bowl performances, Regular season performances, and the NFL in general, with an honorable mention to Taylor and Rice. You have millions of dollars, and you're going to pull this shit. Well to hell with you Montana, I hope your reputation gets stained beyond repair.

Lastly...trash talk. There were two people prominently involved this week...Joey Porter and Jerramy Stevens. You could say Porter twice and still be correct, but for the sake of argument, let's use both names. Stevens didn't say much, but lived up to his label of being soft. He should be cut this offseason. The only moral to come out of this was that no one should have been interviewing Jerramy Stevens in the first place. He's not good enough, he doesn't deserve it.

Porter ran his mouth all week and got absolutely owned by Walter Jones all game. I didn't hear Porter's name mentioned once all game, until that horse collar on Shaun Alexander, which should have been called. I'm sure we all know the moral here.

Regardless the right team won, the better team won, and I have to go three months now before I get my fix in April, watching the entire NFL draft.

Super Bowl: The End

2006-02-03T20:34:00.000Z

IT'S THIS

THESE GUYS

VERSUS THESE GUYS

FOR THIS

Steelers (-4) v. Seahawks

It's been a long time coming. Since the beginning of the Regular season, we football fans have been looking forward to this game. I don't think anyone had these teams facing off against one another in their Super Bowl predictions. I know I sure didn't. I still don't understand how Pittsburgh are favored in this game. The AFC's 6th versus the NFC's 1st has yielded a 4 point spread. All year long these columns and subsequent picks have been for recreational use only, and while my heart is with Seattle, my wallet would say differently... Pick: Steelers

Last Week: 0-2
Postseason: 4-6
Regular Season: 121-123-12
Season: 125-129-12

Who ya got, I-66?

2006-02-02T17:36:00.000Z

Take your Bettis homecoming storyline and shove it. He can go home anytime he wants. I'm tired of Jerome Bettis everywhere, Bill Cowher's spitting, and Joey Porter's whining. I'm tired of the black and gold.

Go Seahawks.

The Captain supports Pittsburgh

2006-01-31T03:44:00.000Z

It's Super Bowl week. For those who are living in a hole, we are at one of the best times of the year for sports, all around. The Super Bowl for starters. The NCAA basketball season is winding down, leading to March Madness. The NBA All-Star game is fast approaching. Hockey exists again, and the first major golf and tennis tournaments of the year have passed. In a few weeks, pitchers and catchers report, signaling the beginning of baseball's Spring Training. This is a great time to be a sports fan.

Let's concentrate on the big deal of the moment, however, the Super Bowl. I'm not going to make any of you wait till the middle/end of the week, I'm going to tell you right now that Pittsburgh is going to win. And here's why. They're better at the following positions. QB...WR...TE...THE ENTIRE DEFENSE.

The Redskins proved one thing in their playoff game against the Seahawks, and that one thing is that the Seahawks are a team of pussies. The Skins have a tough, hard-hitting defense, and the Seahawks walked away from that game with one receiver holding his lower back, a punt returner who needed to be helped off the field, and a star running back who had a questionable concussion. I say questionable because he had no problems dancing around on the sidelines while his teammates were winning the game, he just didn't want to be in the mix himself. Shaun Alexander, while talented, is a big sissy, and the Steelers hit hard. They'll fold him up like an accordion. I wouldn't be surprised to see him have another "concussion" and sit part of this one out.

Now then, let's look at this another way. This is Super Bowl XL, eXtra Large baby. So obviously, logic would dictate that the bigger team will win in this situation. Most positions, we'll combine the heights and weights to get an average. Let's go to the tape...

QB: Ben Roethlisberger; 6'5" 241# vs. Matt Hasselbeck; 6'4" 223#. Advantage - Steelers.

RB: Jerome Bettis; 5'11" 255# and Willie Parker; 5'10" 209# vs. Shaun Alexander; 5'11" 225# and Mack Strong; 6'0" 245#. Bettis and Parker combine to be 5'10 1/2" and 232#. Alexander and Strong are 5'11 1/2" and 235. Advantage - Seahawks...surprisingly.

WR: Hines Ward; 6'0" 215# and Antwaan Randle El; 5'10" 192# vs. Darrell Jackson; 5'11" 201# and Bobby Engram; 5'10" 188#. Ward and Randel El combine to be 5'11" 203.5 pounds. Jackson and Engram are 5'10 1/2" and 194.5. Advantage - Steelers.

*Note, Jurevicius is the 3rd receiver currently.*

TE: Heath Miller; 6'5" 256# vs. Jerramy Stevens; 6'7" 265#. Advantage - Seahawks

OL: Jeff Hartings; 6'3" 299#, Marvel Smith; 6'5" 321#, Alan Faneca; 6'5" 307#, Max Starks; 6'8" 337# and Kendall Simmons; 6'3" 319# vs. Walter Jones; 6'5" 308#, Steve Hutchinson; 6'5" 313#, Robbie Tobeck; 6'4" 297#, Chris Gray; 6'3" 308# and Sean Locklear; 6'3" 301#. Pittsburgh combines to be 6'4 4/5" and 316.6 pounds. The Seahawks clock in at 6'4" and 305.4 pounds. Advantage - Steelers.

DL: Aaron Smith; 6'5" 298#, Casey Hampton; 6'1" 325# and Kimo Von Oelhoffen; 6'4" 299# vs. Grant Wistrom; 6'4" 272#, Bryce Fisher; 6'3" 272, Chuck Darby; 6'0" 298# and Marcus Tubbs; 6'3" 320#. Pittsburgh combines to be 6'3 1/3" and 307.3 pounds. Seattle comes in at 6'4 1/2" and 290.5 pounds. In the battle of one inch vs. 17 pounds weight difference, I'll take the weight, where linemen are concerned. Advantage - Steelers.

LB: Joey Porter; 6'3" 250#, James Farrior; 6'2" 243#, Larry Foote; 6'0" 239# and Clark Haggans; 6'4" 243# vs. D.D. Lewis; 6'1" 241#, Lofa Tatupu; 6'0" 238# and LeRoy Hill; 6'1" 229. Pittsburgh's linebackers become 6'2 1/4" and 243.75 pounds, while Seattle counters at 6'0 2/3" and 232 pounds. Edge - Steelers.

CB: Ike Taylor; 6'1" 191# and Deshea Townsend; 5'10" 190# vs. Marcus Trufant; 5'11" 199# and Andre Dyson; 5'10" 183. Taylor/Townsend = 5'11 1/2" and 190.5 pounds, while Seattle is 5'10 1/2" and 191 pounds. Since this is close, edge goes to Seattle on Trufant's talent. Advantage - Seahawks.

Safety: Troy Polamalu; 5'10" 212# and Chris Hope; 5'11" 206# vs. Michael Boulware; 6'2" 223# and Marquand Manuel at 6'0" and 209#. 5'10 1/2" 209# against 6'1" and 216#. Advantage goes to the Seahawks.

P/K: Jeff Reed; 5'11" 232# and Chris Gardocki; 6'1" 192# vs. Josh Brown; 6'0" 202# and Tom Rouen; 6'3" 225#. Pittsburgh measures out at 6'0" and 212 pounds, while Seattle comes in at 6'1 1/2" and 213.5 pounds. Advantage - Seahawks.

So it's 5 to 5, with Pittsburgh winning QB, WR, O-Line, D-Line and Linebacker. The Seahawks take RB, TE, CB, Safety and K/P. Because I believe that Pittsburgh's D will knock the snot out of Alexander/Jackson and the rest, and turn them into cowering babies, that's enough for me. Close game, but The Captain says...

27-23 Steelers.

1836

2006-01-26T17:52:00.000Z

Houston 1836

This is the name of the relocated San Jose Earthquakes.

I'm torn.

Part of me doesn't like 1836. I understand the historical significance, but eh.

The other part of me likes the idea that MLS teams are moving away from the traditional American sports franchise names: City Name Nickname.

There are still MLS sides who have names like that, still around since the dawn of the league: LA Galaxy, Columbus Crew, KC Wizards, etc. But look now at what we have in terms of teams without traditional names:

DC United, FC Dallas, Real Salt Lake, Metrostars (much better than NY/NJ Metrostars), Chivas USA, and now Houston 1836

I think I'm okay with it. I really hope that there's an orange strip for the club, because MLS don't need another red team.

My question: In observance of the random mention of DC United as "the United", will un-soccerfied Houstonians will refer to their new side as "the 1836"? Personally, similar to how RSL have become "Real", I hope Houston 1836 become "1836".

DC-U say?

2006-01-25T17:44:00.000Z

This is discouraging.

Brush aside DC United with a yawn, after four MLS Cups in 10 seasons? I would not have expected that from someone who both plays soccer and has been in RFK Stadium for United games in the past. That said, everyone's entitled to their opinions. You said you'd let me handle it, so here goes...

Notable Departure: Dema Kovalenko. Dema's been one of the most passionate (if not dangerous) players to wear the black and red in a few years. I'm sad to see him go, but he was making more money than a player of his caliber and ilk should, I think. He's heading to Europe to pursue a place on a team with his native Ukraine being a possible destination.

Notable Arrivals: Justin Moose (Wake Forest), Rod Dyachenko (UNLV), Jeff Carroll (St. Johns), Kenny Bertz (Maryland) - all via the MLS SuperDraft.

Freddy: Recently appeared in his first US National Team game. This has bound him to play for only the US, after Ghana courted him to return and play for their national side. I still think his odds to make the World Cup roster are long, but you never know. Personally, I really think Bruce threw him a bone and perhaps thought Freddy failing to make the squad would be a humbling experience for someone who thinks he's so great. Something humbling would be good for Adu in the long run.

Now it's time to focus on preparing for the 2006 season, and the return to glory for the Black and Red.

The state of D.C. Sports

2006-01-25T00:05:00.000Z

Fear not, good folks. Despite the title of this post, which I can see could be misconstrued, we're not going anywhere, this is just a quick look at the current state of the D.C. sports scene, and what we can all look forward to.

Redskins: Hiring Al Saunders is a genius move. Hello Super Bowl XVI, or whatever the Roman Numeral is for that. By the way, does anyone else think the Skins should draft Sinorice Moss in April? I mean, we'd be getting a second receiver that we so desperately need, and this would have to be the first time in NFL history that two wideouts who were also brothers starter at WR for the same team. Is there any downside to this?

Wizards: Underachieving, though there's enough signs of life to make me still believe. Amazingly, despite our sub .500 record, we're still in 8th playoff position. Thank you NBA, for having way to many teams in the postseason. Caron Butler is coming along nicely, Brendan Haywood is a bitch.

Nationals: Um, it's kind of hard when there's no owner, no set payroll, and no superstars wanting to play here. I'll still go, but I'm not expecting much at all from this season. Linda Cropp needs to shut her fat mouth and get this stadium deal done.

Caps: Still not a fan of hockey, though if Ovechkin keeps making those miracle shots, I may have to attend my first Caps game in years. But I'm still not there yet.

D.C. United: Yawn....I'll let I-66 handle this one, I don't care enough.

Georgetown: Did I mention I called the win over Duke? You can see it on the other blog, but there it is, Georgetown over Duke. G-Town was so good when I wa growing up, seeing them competitive again is kind of nostalgic.

DC United fans:

2006-01-22T22:14:00.000Z

I was at a Baltimore Blast game last night, watching the Blast take on the Chicago Storm. The Blast were victorious, but the thing that fascinated me the most was the appearance of this man on the field for the Storm:

Yanno, in case anyone's been wondering what Lazo Alavanja's been doing lately.

Championship Sunday: Punching their tickets

2006-01-20T13:52:00.000Z

Lots to catch up on... Today the picks are coming your way, but before we get to that:

NEWS: Al Saunders is hired as Redskins offensive coordinator
VIEWS: A few things. First of all... saWEET. FREAKING sweet. Wow. Also, what the crap is Herm Edwards thinking? "Hm... I've got the guy who coordinated the 6th leading offense in points per game and 1st overall in yards per game in the NFL already here. I'll let him go. Brilliant!" Yeah, Daniel Snyder threw a lot of money at him and also Gregg Williams - something that's going to piss off a lot of owners in the league. But let's look at this logically, if you have someone you really want to get, you'll do what you can to get him, no?

NEWS: Antonio Davis is suspended 5 games for leaping into the stands in defense of his wife
VIEWS: This works for me. I know what Antonio was thinking and he did what he had to do - there's nothing wrong with that. But in consideration of the Pacers/Pistons melee, the NBA can't not punish him. 5 games isn't a lot. I think it sends a no tolerance message without punishing him TOO much.

NEWS: The NFL does NOTHING to Joey Porter for his conspiracy talk
VIEWS: GUTLESS. ABSOLUTELY GUTLESS. Are you kidding me? David Stern would've had Joey Porter shot, his wife sodomized, and his kids eaten by Mike Tyson. Paul Tagliabue, where the hell are you on this? The league will fine a player money for mean-nothing equipment "violations" but doesn't fine for this? Absolutely ridiculous.

NEWS: The MLS SuperDraft is today
VIEWS: But the real drama for me is going to be the unveiling of the new kits for many of the league's teams. I'm glad I've waited to buy a United shirt, now that they're changing the design.

Conference Championships:

Steelers at Broncos (-3)
One would say that karma is on the side of the Steelers. I say that Joey Porter used all of it up when he escaped a fine... Pick: Broncos

Panthers at Seahawks (-3.5)
Both of these lines have shrunk since open. Evidently lots of people think the roadies will cover. I've had them since the start of the year, and I have them still... Pick: Panthers

Last Week: 2-2
Regular Season: 121-123-12
Postseason: 4-4
Season: 125-127-12

Saints to hire Sean Payton

2006-01-18T13:37:00.000Z

Evidently desperate to acquire the services of the play-caller for the 15th ranked offense in the NFL, the New Orleans Saints are going to introduce Dallas Cowboys Offensive Coordinator Sean Payton as their new Head Coach. The only people more unhappy about this than Saints fans must be Redskins fans.

So sweet...

2006-01-17T19:27:00.000Z

I've always steadfastly opposed the media supposition that the New England Patriots are a dynasty.

It feels good to read this and see that someone actually agrees with me... and he's a Patriots fan.

Now that the Patriots have gone down in flames, maybe now everyone will shut the hell up about them being a Dynasty and leave the Steelers of the 70s, 49ers of the 80s, and Cowgirls of the 90s alone.

End of a Season

2006-01-17T13:22:00.000Z

Well, that does it.

Redskins Hater Nation can rest easy now, as our beloved Washington Redskins have bowed out of the playoffs.

It was a winnable game on Saturday in Seattle, but the burgundy and gold couldn't pull it off. All told, 6 straight wins to go from 5-6 to 10-6 and winning a Wild Card game is pretty impressive. Things look good for us for next year. Now Jon Jansen's thumbs can get better, along with Shawn's groin, Clinton's shoulder, and Ade Jimoh.

I-66, what's wrong with Ade Jimoh?

Nothing. He just needs to get better. Or cut. Whichever.

OFFSEASON CHECKLIST - Looking ahead? Sure. What of it?

Trade or cut Patrick Ramsey - this should speak for itself

Keep LaVar Arrington - ditto

Find a new punter - I think I can kick better than Frost

Find a new kicker - sorry, John Hall. Your field goal kicking may be better than your kickoffs, but that really isn't saying much

Find a 2nd reciever - you know, to go along with Santana Moss

Find an edge pass rusher - please?

Really I can't complain. A season ending with a loss in the 2nd round of the playoffs is about as much as one could hope for realistically entering this season. Besides, it's not all bad... The Patriots got it handed to them on Saturday night. That never fails to make me happy.

So get it all out of your system, Redskins Hater Nation. We'll be back next year.

The new guy

2006-01-17T01:56:00.000Z

You've all met The Sports Dog...

And you've all met Chick Magnet, or as I like to call her, The Sports Bitch...

Well then, here's the latest addition, The Sports Puppy...

More details can be found be going here.

Divisional Playoff Round: Goose Egg?

2006-01-13T17:41:00.000Z

Take that, Giants.

Divisional Playoff Round

Redskins at Seahawks (-9.5)
Shhh... Pick: Redskins

Patriots (-26) at Broncos
Oops... Sorry, that's just how the media's making it seem...

Patriots at Broncos (-3)
Ah. That's better... Pick: Broncos

Steelers at Colts (-9.5)
"They didn't let us think out there. They just lined up and kicked our asses. Before we knew it, they were up 17 points. They don't play real football" - Joey Porter, after Indianapolis destroys Pittsburgh... Pick: Colts

Panthers at Bears (-3)
Rex Grossman: 2 starts does not a career make... Pick: Panthers

Last Week: 2-2
Reguar Season: 121-123-12
Postseason: 2-2
Season: 123-125-12

Perhaps I missed something...

2006-01-12T19:15:00.000Z

The AFC divisional playoff game Sunday at the RCA Dome is a rematch of the Steelers' 26-7 Monday night loss on Nov. 28, but Porter was unimpressed by the Colts' play in that game.

"They don't want to just sit there, line up and play football," [Joey] Porter told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. "They want to try to catch you off guard. They don't want to play smash-mouth football, they want to trick you. ... They want to catch you substituting. Know what I mean? They don't want to just call a play, get up there and run a play. They want to make you think. They want it to be a thinking game instead of a football game."

He called Edgerrin James' 124 yards in the November matchup a "cheap 100," and said the Colts couldn't line up and run straight at the Steelers defense.

"I don't think they outhit us," Porter told the paper. "If they would have outhit us, they would have just lined up, and they wouldn't have done all the audibles every play. If you want to outhit us, line up and play football. That's when you outhit us. Line up, you get your people, we got our eight men in the box, run the ball."

Now, call me crazy, but do you not have to think during a football game? I'm pretty sure the final score of that game was 26-7. Not 26-17 or 26-24, 26-7. That's a pretty sound butt-whooping the Colts put on the Steelers - both their offense AND defense. Isn't part of the game creating and exploiting matchups to your advantage? I don't understand what Porter's beef is with the way the Colts play. Hell, they went 14-2, I think it's working. What would Herm Edwards say?

"Hell-OHHH! You play. To win. The game."

Shut up, Joey Porter. Take a cue from Ben Roethlisberger:

"This team is an unbelievable football team," Roethlisberger said of the Colts, who won their first 13 games before dropping two of their final three. "They're as good as it gets in the NFL. It's going to take our A-plus game to go out and beat their B-minus game."

That's how you don't end up on someone's bulletin board.

Catching up a little...

2006-01-12T14:31:00.000Z

NEWS: Green Bay hires former 49ers OC Mike McCarthy as head coach
VIEWS: "Hey! This guy called the plays for the 3rd worst offense in the whole league. He's perfect!"

NEWS: Vince Young declares for the NFL Draft
VIEWS: Way to keep your word. You do realize that an NFL quarterback needs to be able to throw, no?

NEWS: DC United's Bobby Boswell gets called into National Team camp
VIEWS: Good for Bobby. But when someone awful like Brian Carroll gets called in, does it really mean that much anymore?

Hail...

2006-01-12T01:34:00.000Z

Well, I-66 is remaining mum on the subject, but I'll say a small piece. You all know where I'll be on Saturday, watching the game somewhere. I'm what you would call quietly confident...confident that we can pull this off, but not enough to go boasting loudly about it.

I haven't forgotten that we already beat the Seahawks this season. The way I see it, Seattle has a better running back than we do, so I'm hoping it doesn't rain on game day. Rain has a habit of making great running backs even better. Portis is banged up, I'm a little worried. Hasselbeck is probably, at this point, a better QB to have running the team than an injured Mark Brunell. However, Seattle's defense is far worse than ours. Crowd noise could be a factor.

That last paragraph basically sums up how my mind is working. Game thoughts are flying in and out. Let's be honest here, besides the obligatory 16-0, Super Bowl preseason rhetoric I always spew, the Skins have done far better than I honestly expected this year. I'm happy with what they've accomplished. Do I want more? Yes, but losing wouldn't be as bad as say, Indy losing after all their fans expectations, not to mention their lack of recent Super Bowl victories. I think the Skins have built themselves well for the next few years.

With that in mind, if I was a Buffalo Bills fan from late '89 to early '93, I would have slit my wrists.

New Blog

2006-01-11T04:58:00.000Z

Just wanted to let everyone know that, like I-66 with Yeah So I'm..., I've decided to start a more personal blog so that I can stop clogging up D.C. Sports with non athletic things. Look for the new link to the right, or just click my name when I comment on other blogs to find it. Everyone wants a little Irish in them.

Shhhh...

2006-01-09T12:51:00.000Z

Divisional round, here we come.

I'm self-imposing a gag order in this space regarding the game next week against Seattle.

Wild Card: Focused on Saturday

2006-01-06T13:22:00.000Z

Playoffs.

Win or go home.

I had a subpar regular season and now have to make some ground up in the post season. I'm so excited at the prospect of playoff football I don't know what to do.

Wild Card Round:

Redskins at Buccaneers (-2)
Self-imposed gag order... Pick: Redskins

Jaguars at Patriots (-8)
This is a good line to do this on... Pick: Jaguars

Panthers at Giants (-2)
Run the freaking ball, please... Pick: Panthers

Steelers (-3) at Bengals
Tough to call. They're ready, I think... Pick: Bengals

Last Week: 6-8-2 (I hate Week 17)
Regular Season: 121-123-12

Champs/Chumps

2006-01-05T13:42:00.000Z

Congratulations, Cowboys fans. You finally have a football team you can be proud of - the National Champion Texas Longhorns.

Oh, what's that? Most of you aren't even FROM Texas? Well I'll be damned, who knew? Maybe this weekend you should explain why you root for such a crappy team, then. Yanno, since you don't have anything else to do.

PS: Pete Carroll, what's up with going for it on 4th and short so late in the game? It didn't work the first time you tried it.

The old Barbershop

2006-01-04T16:32:00.000Z

In a few hours, my flight for New Mexico leaves. See previous posts for details.

This morning, in the course of tying down loose ends before my trip, I stopped in at the old barbershop for a trim. For a sports fanatic, nothing beats the barbershop. This morning, there were four old men in there (one was the barber) sitting around doing nothing but talking Redskins football. I did what any young sports guy should do, I listened and got involved. Older sports fans are always eager to engage in conversation about the home teams.

In the D.C. blog pages, others have spoken about upscale salons such as The Grooming Lounge, where you get a shave, a massage, and alcohol with your haircut. I say to hell with that, keep your fancy grooming to yourself. Give me the old men at the corner barbershop anyday, a good slice of America.

Oh, one last thing. Being as hard core a Penn State fan as you can be, I was up till 1:00 a.m. watching the Orange Bowl. A fantastic victory. An unfortunate loss of Paul Posluzney, the Butkus and Bednarik award winner this year. That kid has a promising future at the next level, I can only hope the knee injury isn't too serious. So, with that in mind, allow me....

Fight on State
Fight on State
Strike your gait and win

Victory we
Predict for thee
We're ever true to you, dear old white and Blue

Onward State
Onward State
Roar Lions Roar

We'll hit that line roll up the score
Fight on to victory evermore.........

(Extra point is kicked)

Fight on, on, ON ON ON
Fight on, Penn State

P.S. Suck it Bowden!! Joe Paterno is the man.

Playing keep-away

2006-01-03T19:30:00.000Z

Whew... now that was close.

According to ESPN.com, the Washington Redskins have signed Assistant Head Coach and Defensive Coordinator Gregg Williams to NEW a 3 year 8 million dollar contract. Williams is rumored to have been on the short lists of other teams for their head coaching positions as a result of his defensive tactics and mentality. Don't get me wrong, I like Williams as a defensive assistant, but as a coach he was less than stellar. He went 17-31 at the helm of the Buffalo Bills in 3 seasons, but NFL teams still wanted him. Under the terms of the new deal, he's precluded for interviewing for positions until 2007 at which point the future of Joe Gibbs should be clear. Word is that Daniel Snyder has designs on promoting Williams to Head Coach at the end of Gibbs's tenure. We shall see...

But for right now, Skins fans can breathe easily knowing that Williams will be around for at least one more year and getting paid pretty freakin well too. Now it's time to concentrate on Tampa Bay.

Tampa here we come

2006-01-03T14:46:00.000Z

That's it and that's all. The Washington Redskins have sewn up the wild card berth and are heading to Tampa with a victory over Philly. It wasn't pretty, but these pictures are...

Mike Sellers recovers a muffed punt setting up the first TD

Clinton Portis breathes life back into the Redskins' playoff hopes

Lemar Marshall conducts his own personal tip drill

Portis puts the Skins back on top

...and, like Sean Taylor, the Redskins soar into the playoffs

Look out Bucs. We're comin for ya.

And Cowgirls and their fans, I hope you all go out and buy HD TVs to see the Redskins in the playoffs in high definition. I mean, since you can't be there on your own, you might as well FEEL like you are.

Week 17: What the...

2005-12-30T14:20:00.000Z

It's the end of 2005. We here at DC Sports would like to thank those who have read us since our fledgling days. Onward and upwards to 2006.

Yours truly has been under .500 for the last 2 weeks, but the Skins are 1 win away from the playoffs, so if I have to keep being under .500 each week for them to keep winning, I'll take that trade any day of the week. For the record, no fewer than 5 of these lines confuse the hell out of me. The Steelers opened as 17 point favorites, and I guess that there were a lot people betting on Detroit because the line has dropped to -14. Why are the Chargers favored by 11? Neither team has anything to play for. Why are the Chiefs favored by 8? It's not as though the Bengals wouldn't like to hold their seed. Why are the Bills only favored by 2? They just beat arguably a top-5 team (Bengals) on the road by 10 last week - and they can't give more than 2 points on the road at the Jets? Week 17. So freakin weird.

Week 17:

Broncos at Chargers (-11)
Even Mike Shanahan can't believe he has the AFC's 2nd seed with Jake Freakin Plummer as his QB... Pick: Broncos

Giants (-11) at Raiders
A Redskins win plus a Giants loss means the Skins are NFC East champs. I root for Oakland this weekend, sadly, I fear it won't be enough - even with 11 points... Pick: Giants

Dolphins at Patriots (-6)
Hey! We beat the Jets twice, Buffalo on the road, and freakin KILLED Tampa Bay at home in freezing weather. They have a combined record of 18-27! This week we'll beat ANOTHER warm weather team in cold weather at home! We're the BEST TEAM EVER!... Pick: Patriots

Bills (-2) at Jets
Easy... Pick: Bills

Saints at Buccaneers (-14)
Tempting... Pick: Buccaneers

Panthers (-4) at Falcons
I'm terribly angry with you, but I still can't go against you... Pick: Panthers

Ravens (-3) at Browns
Let's not get too carried away here, it's not as though Kyle Boller's doing this against top defenses... Pick: Ravens

Seahawks at Packers (-5)
Befuddling... Pick: Seahawks

Cardinals at Colts (-7)
Back on track... Pick: Colts

Bengals at Chiefs (-8)
Confusing... Pick: Bengals

Lions at Steelers (-14)
When's the last time the Steelers were favored by so many?... Pick: Steelers

Titans at Jaguars (-4)
Zzzzz... Pick: Jaguars

Texans (-2) at 49ers
The loser here is really the winner... Pick: 49ers

Redskins (-8) at Eagles
Steep, no?... Pick: Redskins

Bears at Vikings (-4)
Way to show up... Pick: Bears

Rams at Cowboys (-12)
Only because it would be so freakin sweet... Pick: Rams

Last Week: 5-8-2
Season: 115-115-10

Rest in Peace, Edward "Buddy" Moore

2005-12-28T03:15:00.000Z

My grandfather died today. Sad, but not unexpected. He had been sick for months, years even. Occasionally, he had even said he didn't want to live, which is never easy to hear coming from anybody, let alone your own blood. Though I haven't seen him in years (he lived in rural New Mexico) I'll always remember the childhood times, going to visit the cows, nights playing cards.

Rest in peace, Edward "Buddy" Moore. Heaven waits for you.

***It's been a transitional period recently folks. I'll be back soon. There will be a new blog coming, a personal one where I can bitch about art, movies, and other stuff. This blog will return to being 100% about its original purpose, sports.*** Till then, take care, and go read I-66 in all his wittiness.

1 of 20

2005-12-27T15:29:00.000Z

We here at DC Sports are chronic fantasy sports players. The Captain plays fantasy baseball, I have dabbled in soccer in the past, and we each play fantasy football. This season, I won 3 leagues - a 10 team league (1st at end of regular season, 11-3), the 6-team Blog League (4th, 6-8) and a 20 team league (8th, 7-4-2)... the last of which is my crowning Fantasy Football achievement.

Why? Consider that I rarely, if ever, miss a draft. I hate having Yahoo autodraft for me. I missed the draft for the 20 team league, but not because of something I did. The commissioner of the league changed the date of the draft without requesting approval from the other 19 players -- all because he wasn't going to be able to make his own draft. Imagine my surprise when I logged in on the night of the draft to find out that it had already happened. Players who missed it were outraged, mainly because anyone who knows they're going to miss a draft plan ahead - they don't ask the date to be changed just for them. So basically the commish inconvenienced 19 people so that he himself would not be inconvenienced. Some caught the change and made the draft. I was not as lucky:

My team after the draft [player name, (round drafted):
QB: Jake Plummer (4),
WR: Reggie Wayne (2), Darrell Jackson (3), Eddie Kennison (5), Koren Robinson (10),
RB: Priest Holmes (1), Marcel Shipp (7), Tony Hollings (15)
TE: Bubba Franks (9), Stephen Alexander (12), Ron Johnson (14)
K: Adam Vinatieri (6), John Hall (11),
DEF: Cincinnati (8), Miami (13)

I-66's Rules For a 20 Team Draft:
1) Draft 2 starting quarterbacks, even if you have to take a 2nd one early
2) Draft 2 defenses, even if you have to take a 2nd one early
3) Draft 2 kickers, even if you have to take a 2nd one early
4) Do not draft players who do not have teams
5) Do not draft 3rd stringers
6) Only draft players with whom you are familiar

Rules 1, 4, 5, and 6 were violated. And I didn't even show you all the rules.

Koren Robinson had been released by Seattle. He caught on in Minnesota and did well at the end of the season but at the time he was worthless. Tony Hollings was no better than 3rd on the Texans' depth chart at running back behind Davis and Wells, and I didn't even know who Ron Johnson was. I could tell from looking at my team that I had had at least the 4th overall pick since Tomlinson, Alexander and Manning would likely have gone before Holmes, but I found that I had been 3rd overall. Of course Holmes got hurt in the middle of the season. My WRs were the only saving grace on this team at the start of the season though there was nary a #1 wideout among them. Wayne is behind Harrison in Indy, Darrell Jackson got hurt early on but remained on roster, Kennison is a #1 wideout but Tony Gonzalez is the number one passing option in KC. Early on in the season I managed to trade Plummer (who I dislike but was playing decently) for Matt Hasselbeck straight up (to this day I don't know how that happened). I picked up Antowain Smith after McAllister got hurt. Other running backs used were Verron Haynes, Kyle Johnson and Chester Taylor. Disgusting. After Week 5 I was 1-4 and I thought the season was over. I would not lose a single game the rest of the way. I won in Week 6 (2-4) and tied twice consecutively with a score of 47-47 (surreal) in Weeks 7 and 8 (2-4-2) and then went on a 5 game winning streak to close out the season (7-4-2) and making the playoffs as the 8 seed. I went on to win all 3 of my playoff games 76-31 over the 1 seed, 57-34 over the 4, and squeaking by 39-35 over the 2. The final game was tied at 32-32 going into Monday Night Football with me needing Vinatieri to outscore Deion Branch - which he did - to give me the title. Also noteworthy is the fact that I faced the hardest road possible - beating the 1, 4, and 2 seeds to win the championship.

My team at the end of the season (original players in bold):
QB: Matt Hasselbeck
WR: Wayne, Jackson, Mark Clayton, Kennison, Chris Henry, Justin Gage
RB: Ryan Moats, Antowain Smith
TE: Jeb Putzier
K: Vinatieri, Hall
DEF: Cincinnati, Miami

Greatest. Fantasy triumph. Ever.

Section 420, Row 12, Seat 8

2005-12-26T00:51:00.000Z

...the place from where I witnessed the Washington Redskins 35-20 whuppin of the New York Little Giants. They say "the proof is in the pudding" and since I don't currently have any, proof of my presence will have to be in this blog...

A few of "The First Ladies of Football"

Our Tailgate Club wristbands didn't say anything about sightseeing... But they DID say something about about free food and drinks! Hey, dude, get out of the way.

Don't work too hard, John. It's only extra points for you today...

"Hey Chris?"..."Yeah Patrick?"..."I've got a funny feeling I'm playing today..."

Pre-game flatulence is frowned upon in the tunnel

Team-building exercise

The Giants line up for the slaughter

Sweet sweet victory...

Week 16: Holy Crap It's Saturday

2005-12-24T14:00:00.000Z

I got all caught up in posting yesterday's review that I failed to realize that... 1) I needed to post picks and 2) there are a LOT of games today... SO, with little fluff and less delay...

Week 16:

49ers at Rams (-10) - Pick: Rams

Titans at Dolphins (-6) - Pick: Dolphins

Lions at Saints (-3) - Pick: Saints

Falcons at Buccaneers (-3) - Pick: Buccaneers

Giants at Redskins (-3) - Pick: Redskins

Cowboys at Panthers (-4) - Pick: Panthers

Jaguars (-6) at Texans - Pick: Jaguars

Bills at Bengals (-14) - Pick: Bengals (seems a little steep, no?)

Steelers (-7) at Browns - Pick: Steelers

Chargers (-2) at Chiefs - Pick: Chargers

Eagles at Cardinals (-1) - Pick: Eagles

Colts at Seahawks (-10) - Pick: Colts (doing it for Dungy)

Bears (-7) at Packers - Pick: Bears

Raiders at Broncos (-13) - Pick: Broncos

Vikings at Ravens (-3) - Pick: Vikings (Kyle Boller: prove it)

Patriots (-6) at Jets - Pick: Patriots

Last Week: 9-7
Season: 110-107-8

Night Before Christmas Review

2005-12-23T17:03:00.000Z

Every year I write a column like this... now I bring this year's edition to you...

T'was 2 weeks before the playoffs
And all the Skins masses
Are talking of Christmas
And how we kicked Cowboy asses
8-6 is our record
And across the league there's fear
That a playoff berth for the Redskins
Soon would appear
So with no more delay
I'm bringing to you
A little on every team
Night Before Christmas Review...

Rex Grossman back for the playoffs?
Don't get it twisted
If BEARS go far in postseason
It's them the defense has lifted...
Whizzinator, boat party
VIKINGS are scandal weary
With Brad Johnson's success
Daunte Culpepper, Ewing Theory?...
Tons of interceptions and losses
PACKERS have just been a wreck
Brett Favre might I suggest
You start getting unemployment check...
Did Jeff Garcia's broken leg
Really put the LIONS season on shelf?
I think I've got the solution
Matt Millen, fire yourself...
Ben Roethlisberger
I don't know what the hell rhymes...
But it doesn't matter, STEELERS
If you're not there at playoff time...
From losers to winners in 3 years
Root for the BENGALS? You've gotta
But really I just needed
Something to rhyme with Houshmandzadeh....
Decent improvement, Romeo Crennel
You've got the BROWNS right on target
Well, except for Trent Dilfer
His house is on the market...
It must be an injury
Ray Lewis is as quiet as a mouse
Jamal Lewis, rest of RAVENS
Any dogs in the house?
Their season might've ended
With the Green Bay road win
Michael Vick and the FALCONS
Playoffs? Outside looking in...
Yeah, Katrina, I know
I've heard every excuse
But Jim Haslett's leash gets shorter
Every time the SAINTS lose...
Coach Gruden must be thankful
There's a defense to carry the BUCS
Because look at the quarterback
Chris Simms? Kinda sucks...
To go deep in the playoffs
PANTHERS turn to best back on roster
Stephen Davis? Done for season
You must mean DeShaun Foster...
Like Jeckyll and Hyde
Figuring out the JAGUARS is hard
Playoff lock, but who knew
It'd be on the arm of David Garrard...
TEXANS should get Reggie Bush
But it must raise Dom Capers's ire
That his inability to coach
Is the only reason he hasn't been fired...
Now and again you turn on TV
And see the TITANS getting killed
Jeff Fisher must've gotten the memo
It's okay sometimes to rebuild...
Peyton, Edge, Marvin
For the next few weeks you rest
To hold the Lombardi Trophy
COLTS expect, accept nothing less... (don't stop now, you're halfway home)
Two games up in the East
Manning to Burress, Manning to Shockey
But come mid-January, it's ok GIANTS fans
There's still Rangers and Islanders hockey...
No Owens, no Westbrook
EAGLES going in reverse?
Why hasn't anyone else mentioned
Donovan McNabb: Madden Curse...
It's a fluke the pansies cried
But twice the COWBOYS have been beaten
And now they all need breath mints
For all the shit they've eaten...
Send the corners, send the safties
REDSKINS D blitzes with malice
I only have 2 things to add
Fuck Dallas and Fuck Dallas...
Fiedler, Vinny, Bollinger
No JETS fan can be sober
And now Curtis Martin on IR
Wake me when it's over...
If they make it to Indy
PATRIOTS see their Super Bowl dreams die
I see no dynasty before me
Bruschi, Brady, please don't cry...
From Losman to Holcomb and back
BILLS move QBs like pawns
But all I hear from the fans
Are a bunch of snores and yawns...
When Nick Saban appeared
He brought all the whistles and bells
But who knew the DOLPHINS best QB
Was the unstoppable Sage Rosenfels...
The SEAHAWKS play in the NFC West
So yeah, they've won it again
And in case anyone's forgotten
Matt Hasselbeck wants the ball, and they're gonna win...
What's wrong Dennis Green?
CARDINALS appear to be running in place
Want to know who to blame?
The guy with the Kurt Warner Face...
Mike Martz is gone, Joe Vitt is here
RAMS offense has still been meager
But that's what happens when your QB
Is a backup Ivy Leaguer...
What else can I say 49ERS
Losing must be taking its toll
But Reggie Bush is on the line
9ers, Texans, Toilet Bowl...
Holmes out Johnson in
CHIEFS running game doesn't miss a beat
But their season went up in flames
When defense fell at Tiki Barber's feet...
CHARGERS had a slow start
Late surge not in time-r?
How long before fans and owner
Start looking at Schottenheimer?...
Collins to Moss will be so great
Return to RAIDERS days of yore
So in Christmas tradition you must return
Norv Turner to the Coach Store...
"No Mistake" they call BRONCOS QB
I wish they'd give me a break
It's only a matter of time
Before they get bitten by their own Snake...
So there you have it, 32 teams
Each with their own story
I also hope you're not surprised
When it's Colts and Panthers, Super Bowl 40

So now this all must end, the playoffs are coming into sight
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night...

35-7 -- Fuck Dallas, Part II

2005-12-19T15:06:00.000Z

Holy shit. I just woke up and looked at area sports stories and... Washington beat Dallas? Again? Is that a season sweep? Are the Cowboys fans drying their tears, again, with the sports pages this morning? Pansies... I bring you Dallas Sucks: In Pictures:

This looks familiar...

Marcus Washington bends ~~Drew Bledsoe~~ Blew Dredsoe over...

Chris Cooley catching one of his THREE touchdowns

"Hey coach, will you still give me a reacharound tonight?"

That pretty much says it...

Week 15: Ready

2005-12-16T16:07:00.000Z

Shhhhh… The Cowgirls are coming…

Week 15:

Buccaneers at Patriots (-5)
You’re not scaring anybody… Pick: Buccaneers

Chiefs at Giants (-3)
Eli Manning is completing less than 53% of his passes… Pick: Chiefs

Broncos (-9) at Bills
So can we stop now with this “No Mistake Jake” stupidity?... Pick: Broncos

Cardinals (-2) at Texans
I’m not truly a conspiracy theorist, but if anyone thinks the Texans are losing out on the #1 overall pick, they’re crazy… Pick: Texans

Seahawks (-8) at Titans
And since I have nothing to add about this game, what happens if Reggie Bush doesn’t declare?... Pick: Seahawks

Chargers at Colts (-8)
No matter what the line, I don’t think I can go against Indy… Pick: Colts

49ers at Jaguars (-16)
These 49ers lines are getting out of hand… Pick: 49ers

Panthers (-10) at Saints
When Aaron Brooks drops back to pass, rumor has it that he doesn’t even see the secondary… Pick: Panthers

Eagles at Rams (-4)
I didn’t even have to think about this one… Pick: Eagles

Jets at Dolphins (-9)
Lost in the fact that the Jets beat the Raiders last week is the more important fact that they were playing the Raiders… Pick: Dolphins

Steelers (-4) at Vikings
Easy… it was the Bears offense… Pick: Vikings

Browns at Raiders (-3)
That was perhaps the most ridiculous quarterback decision ever… Pick: Browns

Bengals (-8) at Lions
Chad will not be held down 3 weeks in a row. Mark it down, Lion DBs… Pick: Bengals

Cowboys at Redskins (-2)
It’s on. Pick: Redskins

Falcons at Bears (-3)
This defense salivates at the thought of overrated QBs… Pick: Bears

Packers at Ravens (-4)
Another Monday Night stinker… Pick: Packers

Last Week: 5-8-3
Season: 101-100-8

More news/views

2005-12-14T14:54:00.000Z

NEWS: It’s Dallas week.
VIEWS: Shhhh… not much needs to be said to remind anyone of anything…

NEWS: Pat Riley is 1-0 as Heat coach
VIEWS: …with a win over Chicago. Let’s not go labeling Miami the team to beat now.

NEWS: Freddy Adu is courted by Ghana and their World Cup side.
VIEWS: He’ll go… if he wants his already shaky public image destroyed (especially here in DC) and if he wants to get the teenage crap kicked out of him by the Stars and Stripes in the group stage of the World Cup. In other words, I don’t think he’s going.

NEWS: Nomar to the Evil Empire?
VIEWS: PLEASE DO IT! I BEG YOU! If it happens, I’ll set the over/under for games before which he’s booed at 1½ and see who takes the over.

NEWS: American sprinters Tim Montgomery and Chryste Gaines have been banned for 2 years by the Court of Arbitration For Sport for supposedly doping.
VIEWS: …despite the fact that Montgomery never tested positive for drugs. Does anyone else have a problem with this? Montgomery specifically here has had all his records wiped based on evidence gathered and testimony from another sprinter, Kelli White, but no actual positive test. Terrible.

Weekend Review

2005-12-12T14:54:00.000Z

NEWS: Stan Van Gundy resigns as Head Coach of the Miami Heat
VIEWS: Shocking. I will be even more shocked if Pat Riley doesn’t return to the bench – which we all thought was going to happen anyway. Stan Van Gundy can now go back to his old profession, and change his name back to Ron Jeremy.

NEWS: Redskins overcome turnover exchange and hold on for 4 point victory
VIEWS: I will now cease to hold my nose, now that the stink from that game has subsided. On the other hand, a W is a W. 7-6 ain’t that bad.

NEWS: University of Maryland Men’s Soccer wins the College Cup, defeating New Mexico 1-0
VIEWS: They play soccer in New Mexico? Well in, Terps.

NEWS: Reggie Bush wins Heisman Trophy in a landslide.
VIEWS: …similar to the margin by which USC will defeat Texas.

NEWS: Soriano doesn’t want to play in the outfield.
VIEWS: …because evidently I missed the memo where he became the Manager of the team and could tell himself where to play.

Week 14: The View From Below Above .500

2005-12-09T17:00:00.000Z

All is right with the world. I’m above .500 for the first time all season after going 13-3 last week. Don’t look now… but I’m on fiiiiiiyuhhhhh…

Week 14:

Rams at Vikings (-7)
Between these logos, this is easily the horniest matchup in the NFL… Pick: Vikings

Raiders (-3) at Jets
Lighten up, Herm. You could be coaching Houston… Pick: Raiders

Bears at Steelers (-6)
This line has moved 2 points (from -4). A lot Steelers betting, I see… Pick: Bears

Buccaneers at Panthers (-6)
I swear these teams just played. Hey pundits, how great is Chris Simms playing now? Thank you… Pick: Panthers

Colts (-8) at Jaguars
Don’t be surprised when it’s 34-10 in the 3rd, ok?... Pick: Colts

Patriots (-4) at Bills
The New England Patriots (7-5) are tied for the 7th best record in the conference. And I’m smiling… Pick: Patriots

Browns at Bengals (-12)
If Chad Johnson says they’re going to score 40, I don’t have any reason not to believe him… Pick: Bengals

Texans at Titans (-6)
Domanick Davis: The Unhappiest Man in Houston after the NFL Draft… Pick: Titans

49ers at Seahawks (-16)
Memo to Mike Holmgren: Get that man his rushing title… Pick: Seahawks

Giants (-8) at Eagles
Is that the end of the Mike McMahon Experiment?... Pick: Giants

Redskins (-4) at Cardinals
You know you’re in trouble on defense when 2 100-yard rushers are coming your way… Pick: Redskins

Dolphins at Chargers (-14)
WE WANT SAGE! WE WANT SAGE!... Pick: Chargers

Chiefs at Cowboys (-3)
The Chiefs either win this close, or Dallas blows them out. Ok, you can stop laughing… Pick: Chiefs

Ravens at Broncos (-14)
Hey, Kyle Boller, there’s a spot under the bus with your name on it – but hold on, it’s reserved for after this season… Pick: Broncos

Lions at Packers (-6)
Judging by where his passes are going, I’m recommending Brett Favre have his eyes examined to make sure he’s not color blind… Pick: Lions

Saints at Falcons (-10)
Wait… THIS is the Monday nighter? Am I ever glad I’ve found something infinitely better to do… Pick: Falcons

Last Week: 13-3
Season: 96-92-5

Win, Lose, Draw

2005-12-07T15:06:00.001Z

Ahead of the World Cup draw on Friday, I’m going to bore you non soccer fans with my take. If you indeed are not a soccer fan, it's okay. We can't all be perfect. First, an explanation of how the draw is done:

32 teams enter the World Cup in 8 groups of 4. To determine those groups, the 32 teams are broken down into 4 “pots” from which 1 team each is chosen:

Pot 1 is made up of 8 “seeded” teams, presumably the best 8 teams in the world as determined by some points system I’m unfamiliar with. The seeded teams this go-around are: Argentina, Brazil, Germany, England, Italy, Mexico, Spain and France.

The USA missed out on seeding by 1 point via the points system (though had they had 1 more point, there would have been a 3 way tie with Argentina and Italy, which meant 1 of those teams would have to be left out anyways. Who knows who it would’ve been.

Pot 2 is made up of 8 teams from Africa, South America, and "Oceania": Australia, Angola, Togo, Ivory Coast, Ghana, Tunisia, Paraguay, and Ecuador.

Pot 3 is made up of 8 teams from Europe: Croatia, Czech Republic, Netherlands, Poland, Sweden, Switzerland, and Ukraine.

Pot 4 is made up of 7 teams* from Asia and North America: Iran, Japan, South Korea, Costa Rica, USA, and Trinidad and Tobago.

* = Serbia & Montenegro (that’s one team) are off on their own. The groups do not allow for more than 2 teams from any one region, which is why they are broken down as they are. Since there are 8 teams already from Europe in Pot 3, and S&M are the lowest ranked, they will be placed in a group headed by a non-European seeded team (Pot 1) to ensure that there aren’t more than 2 European teams in their group. Got it?

I’m infuriated by the fact that the USA did not make seeding and Mexico did. Then again, it will make it all the sweeter if we face them in the knockout stage of the tournament (after the group stage) and beat them 2-0 one more time. If I had my way, our draw would end up this way:

Pot 1: Italy (in my view, the weakest of the seeded teams not named Mexico)
Pot 2: any team except Australia and maybe Paraguay – though I feel we can beat either
Pot 3: Croatia / Poland / Switzerland / Ukraine – the lower half of the 8 Euros here
Pot 4: USA

Path of least resistance? I can dig it.

News/Views

2005-12-05T14:56:00.000Z

I’ve been a little absent from the regular posting here, so I’m going to make an effort to catch up all at once.

NEWS: Redskins over Rams.
VIEWS: Takin’ care of business.

NEWS: Giants over Cowboys.
VIEWS: Not batting an eye.

NEWS: Duke basketball beats Virginia Tech with a buzzer beating 3 from distance.
VIEWS: This is your #1 team in America? They should cruise past Tech at Cameron Indoor, yet they trail with 1.6 seconds left and need a buzzer beater to pull it out. Good luck in March.

NEWS: USC v. Texas for all the marbles
VIEWS: Wake me when we have a playoff. In the meantime, go Trojans.

NEWS: The New York Yankees could be over $50 million in the red.
VIEWS: AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Well hey, at least you have a World Series win to fall back on. Oh wait…

NEWS: The World Cup draw is Friday at 3pm on The Deuce.
VIEWS: Nobody should be surprised if the US somehow ends up in the Group of Death.

NEWS: Nationals? Stadium?
VIEWS: No news on United…

Week 13: Keep it movin

2005-12-02T15:11:00.000Z

After weeks of futility, I’ve been .500 or above for 4 straight weeks and now I’m only a handful of games below the middle-mark. Tis the season for giving, so give I will… The picks, that is.

Week 13:

Bills at Dolphins (-4)
Miami’s 3rd string quarterback is named Cleo Lemon. I don’t even have a joke here… Pick: Dolphins

Buccaneers (-4) at Saints
What I’d really like to see is an AFC team play at Tampa and have Phil Simms do color commentary for a game where Chris Simms goes 8 for 27 for 79 yards and 3 INTs. Let’s hear the effusive praise, Phil… Pick: Buccaneers

Cowboys at Giants (-3)
The Asian shop worker in the Snickers commercial had better luck tackling Tiki Barber than the Dallas defense will… Pick: Giants

Bengals at Steelers (-4)
Tommy Maddox has been so bad, it requires the entire Heinz Field housekeeping crew to pick up the pieces… Pick: Steelers

Falcons at Panthers (-3)
You have to wonder how much faster Warrick Dunn would be without that chain… Pick: Panthers

Texans at Ravens (-8)
Steve Mariucci, meet David Carr. David Carr, meet the man who will be coaching you next year… Pick: Texans

Packers at Bears (-7)
At the final whistle of this one we will begin to hear the whisperings for Brett Favre packing it in become louder… Pick: Bears

Jaguars (-3) at Browns
David Garrard: Auditioning for a starting job somewhere, for someone… Pick: Jaguars

Vikings (-3) at Lions
And suddenly Chicago sees a little purple in their rear view mirror… Pick: Vikings

Titans at Colts (-16)
At first I thought this line was high. At first… Pick: Colts

Redskins (-3) at Rams
When Rams quarterback and Harvard graduate Ryan Fitzpatrick repeatedly challenges his coach on a play call, and the coach asks angrily, “What, you think you’re smarter than me or something?”, I’m pretty sure Fitzpatrick just looks at him, waiting for him to realize… Pick: Redskins

Cardinals (-3) at 49ers
First Mexico City, now might I suggest Alaska?... Pick: Cardinals

Jets at Patriots (-10)
The Patriots are allowing 9 points more and scoring 5 points less per game this year. Don’t talk about injuries – they never seemed to make a difference in the past. I offer 5 words that mean more than any Patriots fan, Patriots bandwagon jumper, or Patriots player wants to admit: Charlie Weiss and Romeo Crennel… Pick: Patriots

Broncos (-1) at Chiefs
1? That’s it?... Pick: Broncos

Raiders at Chargers (-11)
MVP… Pick: Chargers

Seahawks (-4) at Eagles
Anyone else notice that Shaun Alexander has been next to invisible in the passing game this year?... Pick: Seahawks

Last Week: 11-4-1
Season: 83-89-5

Home No More

2005-12-01T15:46:00.000Z

Yesterday, before heading to the happy hour, I had to stop by The Sports Pad one last time to gather up all the keys and drop them in the envelope to check us out – in addition to picking up the cable boxes and such that I didn’t take on Tuesday night. I parked and walked inside and took a walkthrough of the house. I’d arranged to have it cleaned and to have the carpets shampooed, and the house looked almost like we’d never lived there. There are a lot of memories in that house, but we’ve all opened new chapters in our lives and have to leave this one behind… but I do have something to remember it by…

The Sports Pad - home to The Captain, Deep Cover, and I-66 from 10/09/03 to 11/30/05

Who here believes it's not his?

2005-11-28T12:30:00.000Z

Do old habits die hard?

Week 12: The Rest of The Slate

2005-11-27T04:56:00.000Z

So it's Midnight Sunday and I've realized I haven't picked the rest of the games. Uh... good job, me. So, because I'm tired and shit, picks without the fluff...

Week 12:

Patriots at Chiefs (-3) - Pick: Patriots

49ers at Titans (-8) - Pick: Titans

Browns at Vikings (-4) - Pick: Vikings

Bears at Buccaneers (-3) - Pick: Bears

Chargers (-3) at Redskins - Pick: Redskins

Rams (-4) at Texans - Pick: Rams

Panthers (-4) at Bills - Pick: Panthers

Ravens at Bengals (-9) - Pick: Bengals

Dolphins at Raiders (-7) - Pick: Raiders

Jaguars (-4) at Cardinals - Pick: Jaguars

Giants at Seahawks (-5) - Pick: Giants

Packers at Eagles (-4) - Pick: Eagles

Saints (-2) at Jets - Pick: Saints

Steelers at Colts (-8) - Pick: Steelers

Thanksgiving: 2-0
Last Week: 8-8
Season: 72-85-4

I've decided I really hate art...

2005-11-23T19:34:00.000Z

Yeah, the title of the post says it all, but man do I really hate art. This was brought on last week, while I was over in lovely Falls Church having Microsoft Exchange drilled into my unblinking eyes. We wound up at a nice Thai restaurant for lunch one day, and I had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom following our meal.

Let me explain that the bathroom can be a sanctuary, which need not be disturbed by outside influences. I wasn't so lucky today...hanging over my urinal was a painting which could generously be described as an assault on my corneas. It appeared to me that this was painted by a retarded monkey holding a paintbrush, after a seizure had been induced. For those who wonder, random triangles and color swirls do not make art.

You know who the perpetrators of this are, right? It's those people who walk around pretentiously, acting like they see more in these paintings than the normal person, ACTING LIKE THEY'RE BETTER THAN YOU!! (These are the same people who will argue that "Amelie," a ridiculously bad foreign french film, was one of the best movies ever made. In point of fact, the opening and closing credits were slices of bread, because Amelie was a shit sandwich.) Pretending like there's something mysterious in Salvadro Dali paintings because there are melting clocks. Let me tell you something...unless you're Salvador Dali, you don't know what the hell he was thinking, and it's probably better that way, because the only thing I can interpret from his art is that he was insane.

Seriously, look at this ridiculous thing...

This one is called "The Artist." I found it on the Internet, and can only assume it's a self-portrait. Don't quit your day job buddy.

And it doesn't stop there. I hate all types of art. For example:

I hate Art Carney, because he wasted our time while Jackie Gleason made us laugh. Piss off, Art!

I hate Art Garfunkel, for being perhaps one of the biggest leeches off a more talented counterpart in the history of music, ever. The only one I can think of that was worse, off the top of my head, was Richard "Ringo Starr" Starkey. You'll never be Paul Simon, but you should spend all your days thanking God you met him, because he carried you, Garfunkel. P.S., your last name sucks.

I hate Art Alexakis, because Everclear had so much promise and then decided to quit trying. Otherwise, I actually like this guy. Hell, I even met him when they had sunk to playing at my alma mater's Spring Weekend Festival. How the mighty have fallen.

Make art what it's supposed to be, something intelligible, and help me start the revolution that will force EMO dorks to go get real jobs and stop being pretentious snobs.

Thanksgiving Football

2005-11-23T18:34:00.000Z

So I'm sitting at work thinking about how great it will be to get out early... and how great it will be to see football on Thanksgiving... and I realize that I need to make picks before the games. I'm not gonna write out the whole thing, but I will give you tomorrow's games now so I don't miss them:

Falcons (-3) at Lions
So much for that Joey Harrington resurgence... Pick: Falcons

Broncos (-2) at Cowboys
I could be misinterpreting things, but I'm pretty sure Jake Plummer has been deemed The Greatest Quarterback Of All Time by the sports media... Pick: Broncos

Week 11: T Over?

2005-11-18T17:19:00.000Z

There is no joy in Philly these days. After the exit of Terrell Owens, everyone was cheery and joyful. Donovan McNabb said they were better off without him. Even Randy Moss doesn’t seem to welcome the idea of Owens as a teammate. Loss to Washington. Loss to Dallas. Injury to McNabb… and now Eagles are saying that they’d welcome Owens back? Laughable.

Week 11:

Cardinals at Rams (-10)
I don’t wanna play. I just wanna bang on that drum all day… Pick: Rams

Saints at Patriots (-10)
In a matter of weeks, Troy Brown will be listed as starter for every defensive position… Pick: Patriots

Eagles at Giants (no line)
Lack of line makes this one a lot easier to pick… Pick: Giants

Raiders at Redskins (-6)
What does Randy Moss’s answer on his opinion of Norv Turner tell you about the state of things in Oakland?... Pick: Redskins

Steelers at Ravens (no line)
Tommy Maddox! Kyle Boller! NFL Football on CBS!... Pick: Steelers

Buccaneers at Falcons (-6)
If Michael Vick manages to make it the whole game fumbling only twice, will he stand in front of the media and say “As long as I fumble less than 3 times in one game, don’t criticize me”?... Pick: Buccaneeers

Panthers (-3) at Bears
Wind or no wind, putting up that few points against San Fran isn’t going to get it done against Carolina… Pick: Panthers

Dolphins at Browns (-2)
WE WANT SAGE! WE WANT SAGE!... Pick: Dolphins

Lions at Cowboys (-8)
Joey Harrington: Taking it 1 win at a time, 5 weeks at a time… Pick: Cowboys

Jaguars (-4) at Titans
It was only a matter of time before Fred Taylor turned back into his old self… Pick: Jaguars

Seahawks (-12) at 49ers
One thing I do agree with Michael Irvin on, GIVE THAT MAN HIS MONEY!... Pick: Seahawks

Jets at Broncos (-13)
Broncos may score that many on turnover returns for TD… Pick: Broncos

Colts (-6) at Bengals
They just GOT the torch. You think they’re going to pass it?... Pick: Colts

Bills at Chargers (-10)
JP Losman: 7 of 24 for 137 and 1 INT or your money back… Pick: Chargers

Chiefs (-6) at Texans
Larry Johnson’s about to give you 150 reasons why the Cheifs should win this one comfortably… Pick: Chiefs

Vikings at Packers (-4)
Swiss cheese may not go on a brat, but it sure seems to find a home in the Packers defense… Pick: Vikings

Last Week: 7-7
Season: 64-77-4

Shhhhh...

2005-11-16T16:43:00.000Z

Reasons why I rule

2005-11-14T19:43:00.000Z

Actually, just one. I don't have any actual money in my bank account currently, but that didn't stop me from gambling online with what little money I had in my poker account. Let me lay it out for you.

$1 buy in
1,971 players
No Limit Hold Em Poker Tournament
I finished 18th

Now then, 18/1971 is .00913. I kicked the ass of 99.99087 % of all players in that Pokerstars tournament. I will now step back and allow all of you to bask in my greatness.

Week 10: Must be butta...

2005-11-10T14:33:00.000Z

This has been a feel-good week for yours truly: Redskins win (meaning an Eagles loss), Indy dominating New England, Terrell Owens essentially phased out in Philly, then making a pair of awful apologies, and me finally having a solid week – 10-4. I might be on a roll…

Week 10:

Patriots (-3) at Dolphins
I can see the progression now… Colts win at Foxboro, Pats fans say: “it doesn’t matter unless they do it in the playoffs”, if that happens it’s “it doesn’t matter unless they win the Super Bowl”, and if that happens it’s “it doesn’t matter unless they repeat.” Shut up (especially Bill Simmons). You. Got. Whipped… Pick: Patriots

Vikings at Giants (-10)
Nice gesture, Nate Burleson… Pick: Vikings

Ravens at Jaguars (-6)
You know it’s bad when people are actually wishing for Kyle Boller’s return… Pick: Jaguars

Chiefs at Bills (-2)
No Priest? No problem!... Pick: Chiefs

49ers at Bears (-13)
I can’t do it, not with 13 points… Pick: 49ers

Cardinals at Lions (-4)
PLAY JOSH MCCOWN!... Pick: Cardinals

Texans at Colts (-18)
Hunter Smith: Most Bored Player in the NFL… Pick: Colts

Broncos (-3) at Raiders
It’s only a matter of time before ‘The Snake’ sheds his conservative skin… Pick: Broncos

Jets at Panthers (-9)
You’d like me to make a Panthers cheerleaders joke here, wouldn’t you?... Pick: Panthers

Rams at Seahawks (-6)
Nowadays, when Mike Martz watches Rams games and has an idea for a play to call, he leaves himself a voicemail… Pick: Rams

Redskins at Buccaneers (no line)
Chris Simms is the currently Bucs’ starting quarterback. No, I’m serious… Pick: Redskins

Packers at Falcons (-9)
Samkon Gado is currently the Packers starting running back. No, I’m serious… Pick: Falcons

Browns at Steelers (-8)
Charlie Batch is currently the Steelers st… Oh forget it… Pick: Steelers

Cowboys at Eagles (-2)
I hate rooting for Philly… Pick: Eagles

Last Week: 10-4
Season: 57-70-4

I'm sorry you suspended me

2005-11-09T12:55:00.000Z

What an absolute sham.

Yesterday, Terrell Owens stood outside of his house and read an apology that was aimed at both the Eagles organization and specific personnel, such as Donovan McNabb and Andy Reid. Given that Terrell Owens doesn’t appear to have a contrite bone in his body, there never was any doubt in my mind that someone else wrote that apology for him. And to further prove that he, indeed, was sorry for what he’s done, Owens gave way to Drew Rosenhaus to answer (or in this case not answer) questions directed at Owens. If the question asked had anything to do with how stupid Owens is, or how dumb he is, or how much of an idiot he is – wait, are those all the same? – Rosenhaus met it with “next question” and moved on. The best question asked of Rosenhaus was as to what he’d done for Owens besides get him suspended – of course, it was answered with “next question”.

Now that Owens’s nonsense insincere apology is out of the way, we can move forward with the subsequent rejection of said apology by the Eagles and the phasing out of Owens and perhaps his eventual release. While I know some team is going to give him another chance – despite the fact that he should have run out of them by now – I wish the only place he’d be able to play was in the Arena League. As it stands, he’ll probably end up in Oakland or something… or, if the Eagles really want to put one over on him, they should trade him back to San Francisco for a sack of potatoes, a mop, 2 goldfish, and a dollar in pennies.

News/Views

2005-11-08T20:44:00.000Z

NEWS: Michael Vick says he’s proven that he can throw the football from the pocket. He says don’t criticize him anymore.

VIEWS: Oh boo hoo. There’s a saying that’s about the sun and some part of a dog… You have 1 good day where you complete 22 of 31 for 228 and 1 TD and suddenly you’re beyond criticism? Perhaps if you were close to 60% or not showing an actual regression in accuracy from last year – oh and don’t forget that herpes thing. Yeah. Don’t criticize me. Nevermind that it’s the media’s job to view and analyze – and yes, Mike, that does include criticism. You got an issue? Here’s a tissue.

NEWS: T.O. has B.O.

VIEWS: Or maybe not, since it’s not as though he worked up a sweat Sunday night. More money this, Donovan McNabb that. Brett Favre here and fight with Hugh Douglas there. Here’s the deal: you don’t know how good you had it in Philly. Returning NFC Champion, rising iconic status for Super Bowl heroics, high-level NFL QB and a front office able to keep a winning team together. And you’ve blown it. It’s just a shame that some other NFL team will probably give him another chance.

NEWS: The Wizards are 3-0.

VIEWS: Shhhh…

NEWS: The Capitals are second bottom in the Eastern Conference.

VIEWS: The Wizards are 3-0.

NEWS: Carolina Panthers cheerleaders… bathroom… kissing, licking, fighting, leaving (in cuffs)…

VIEWS: I-66… cubicle… reading, checking cheerleader’s pictures, envisioning…

NEWS: Michael Irvin bobbed and weaved like he was auditioning to be in Dodgeball 2: Crackheaded Cowboys on ESPN on Sunday when Steve Young asked him no fewer than 10 times if he thought Terrell Owens should apologize.

VIEWS: Michael Irvin is buddy-buddy with Owens, obviously. This is a situation where he didn’t want to jeopardize whatever you call it (friendship?) with Owens by saying he thinks Owens should apologize, but didn’t want to look like a nimrod by saying he thinks Owens shouldn’t apologize. Instead, Irvin came off looking like a total jackass, as Chris Berman and Young both repeatedly asked the same question “Do you think he should apologize?” and Irvin kept trying to go another direction, before Young finally rolled his eyes and looked away from Irvin, resigned to talking about something else. Nice move, Michael. Classy.

NEWS: Puke is #1 in the preseason college basketball polls.

VIEWS: Until they lose to Virginia Tech or someone else they have no business losing to. Hey, that Blue Devils program sure churns out a bunch of top notch pro ball players doesn’t it?

Settle our argument

2005-11-08T20:11:00.000Z

Though I-66 and myself get along pretty famously, we do occasionally have disagreements, the likes of which need to be brought to the attention of the masses, so that a decision might be reached. It just so happend we have a long running argument which can be solved by you good people, if you'll be so kind. I'm sure after reading this, you'll all see the light and vote for I-66. So without further ado...

Who is the bigger metrosexual, I-66 or The Captain?

Since neither of us consider ourselves to be such, and because we both reject the idea of metrosexualality (is this a word?) as a passing fad, it stands to reason we can accuse each other of this crime. Not that being a metrosexual is a crime, persay, we both just feel that a man's time can be spent on other pursuits, such as wrestling the dog, screaming angrily at bushes, and running over squirrels with a riding lawnmower. However, there are a few cracks in the armor, it's just a question of who's are worse.

Reasons why I-66 is a bigger metrosexual that The Captain:
1. Due to a youth spent in the clothing business (Kathy Lee was not involved), I-66 has a wardrobe that would make any metrosexual proud. And it's worth mentioning the color coordinating obsession.
2. I-66 uses body soap and a man sponge. Get a loofah and be done with it, wuss.
3. I-66 has this thing about using massive amounts of hand lotion. Soft and metrosexual-like.
4. I-66 doesn't like to drink beer or other manly drinks like straight tequila. He's more of a girl drink type of guy.
5. I-66, unless it's soccer related, doesn't like the outdoors very much, and detests rain and all other inclement weather.
6. Though he might use an excuse of "not much body hair," I have a sneaking suspicion there's a wax job involved. This can't be proven, however. Just thought the jury should know.

Now, I could wait for I-66 to edit the end of this post and offer his rebuttal, but I'll just do it for him because I know what he'll say. Reasons The Captain is a bigger metrosexual than I-66:

1. The Captain uses hair conditioner.
2. The Captain uses face wash.
3. The Captain shaves in the shower. (I would note that this is only part of the time, and I'm confused as to why this is considered metrosexual, but it's an argument he uses)
4. The Captain uses three types of mouthwash.
5. The Captain works out obsessively, while I-66 manages to look good naturally.
6. The Captain eats vegetables and the like, while I-66 can live off a manly diet of Hot Pockets and microwave pizzas, and still look good.
7. While I-66 has a large, manly Black Lab, The Captain will soon be getting a puppy which will never get any larger than 20-25 pounds. The Captain is a small dog guy. (It's going to be a pug, for those interested)

Then I use a honey-almond mask with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries the skin...

So anyway, those are the basic arguments. I personally think I-66 wins this one (i.e., more people think he's worse) by a landslide, but I'll leave the final decision up to you, our readers. My vote goes for him, of course, making it 1-0. I assume he'll vote for me to tie it up. We need at least 9 more votes to make this an officially settled argument.

Blue team dominating

2005-11-08T13:12:00.000Z

I imagine the sound will be deafening.

“Let’s see them do that in January”

“They wouldn’t have beaten us without all of our injuries”

Boston columnist morons will spew that it means nothing until the Colts beat the Patriots in the playoffs. This game doesn’t mean as much because of the injuries, they’ll say. Don’t get it twisted. Last night, the Indianapolis Colts put a sound whuppin on the New England Patriots and sent them to bed. What happened to your hero Tedy Bruschi? I don’t think I heard Al Michaels and John Madden mention his name once last night. Here’s the deal: The Patriots were just dominated.

The Patriots as a team had 34 rushing yards total. Peyton Manning had 24 himself.

Indianapolis did not punt until the 4th quarter with less than 90 seconds left on the clock.

New England did not sack Peyton Manning once.

Indy: 75 plays, 36:41 possession / New England: 56 plays, 23:19

After Indy quickly went down the field to grab a 7-0 lead, New England was faced with a 4th and short and decided to try to make a statement and go for it – they converted via a Brady pass. On the Colts next drive, they were faced with a 4th and short, and they answered with an Edgerrin James run. Statement countered.

Down by 2 scores in the 3rd, the normally conservative Bill Belichick resorted to an onside kick to try to catch the Colts off guard. Indy recovered. I turned to Deep Cover and said “desperate move.”

So now what? Indianapolis is 8-0. New England is 4-4. I remarked last night that, should the Colts win, I hoped that Bostonians would “cry in their chowder.” The Colts are 2 games clear of anyone else in the AFC and are definitely in the driver’s seat in terms of home field advantage. The Pats, at 4-4, still lead the weak AFC East by a full game. If they were in any other AFC division they’d be no better than 3rd, but they’re currently the best bet to win their division and host a home playoff game. “It doesn’t matter if they can’t do it in January”? Not only is that a metric shitload of idiocy, consider this: The Patriots may not make it far enough to even play the Colts. And even then, it probably will be in Indy.

photo via espn.com

E-A-G-L-E-S LOSERS

2005-11-07T12:52:00.000Z

and that's all I have to say about that...

photo via espn.com

Week 9: 66 Reasons Not To Go To Vegas

2005-11-04T13:37:00.000Z

Hands down, this is unequivocally the worst season I’ve ever had. It’s a good thing I don’t plan on going to Vegas before the end of the season. I mean, with my luck I’d pick the Browns, getting points on the road, against the only winless team in the league, and have them lose.

Oh wait…

Week 9:

Falcons (-2) at Dolphins
This is the only time I’ll take herpes over hitting a wall with my head… Pick: Falcons

Lions (-2) at Vikings
So THAT’S where Brad Johnson’s been hiding… Pick: Vikings

Chargers (-6) at Jets
I dunno. This Bollinger kid’s looking better and better… Pick: Chargers

Texans at Jaguars (-13)
There’s no place like home, Houston… Pick: Jaguars

Bengals (-3) at Ravens
Scary defense? Nevermore… Pick: Bengals

Titans at Browns (-2)
Whose performance was worse last week?... Pick: Browns

Panthers (-2) at Buccaneers
Tim Rattay: getting closer and closer to starting with each passing week… Pick: Panthers

Raiders at Chiefs (-5)
So maybe Brandi Chastain’s just been running around in Randy Moss’s jersey all season… Pick: Chiefs

Bears (-3) v. Saints
Stop me if I start to care… Pick: Bears

Seahawks (-4) at Cardinals
Whatever happened to all those Cardinals-as-sleepers analysts?... Pick: Seahawks

Giants (-11) at 49ers
Did anyone else know that Eli Manning’s completion percentage (51.1) was actually lower than Michael Vick’s (52.4)? In case you’re wondering, that says more about Eli Manning than it does about Michael Vick… Pick: Giants

Steelers (-6) at Packers
When Mike Sherman’s cooking Thanksgiving dinner with his wife and her phone rings, he walks out of the kitchen in a huff and cancels Christmas… Pick: Steelers – and yes, I realize Charlie Batch is starting.

Eagles at Redskins (-3)
I don’t like this line. Nick Novak/John Hall wins it. Or Jose Cortez loses it… Pick: Eagles

Colts (-4) at Patriots
What will they have to say on Tuesday?... Pick: Colts

Last Week: 4-10
Season: 47-66-4

Shhh...

2005-11-03T18:06:00.000Z

Are You Ready?

2005-11-03T14:43:00.000Z

Soccer season is ending on Sunday night. It’s always a sad day for me – the final game of the season. The game always seems a little more fun for both teams. People tend to take it easier, try to do things with the ball that only the professionals can do. “Hey, it’s the last game of the year. Why not?” Nobody wants to get hurt. At the end of last season I was presented a Netherlands (Holland?) National Team jersey – orange, my color – by a teammate/co-captain as a thank you for all the work I do for the team. Days after the final game I send an e-mail to everyone documenting events of the season and wishing them a happy holiday season and hoping to see them back out on the field in the spring. I put all my equipment up on the shelf and my focus changes.

Football.

Oooooh baby.

But, I-66, you’re always focused on football.

That’s true. But during the first few weeks of the NFL season I often have Sunday night soccer games and miss football time. Now? No more interruptions. But it’s not just NFL football that grabs my attention. I give you two words:

Turkey. Bowl.

For years the lot of us has played the Turkey Bowl – tackle football only, sometime around Thanksgiving. The weather’s been historically decent, we get regular seasonal chills and have rarely had to deal with the elements – save the one game where it snowed/wintry mixed all game (THAT was cool). Football games usually take place at I-66/The Captain High School. We slink onto the football field normally but have been made to utilize the practice field and the baseball field at separate times in the past. We’ve taken the pigskin on the road, playing on two occasions in Charlottesville: once on the field behind Lambuth in front of the old stands, and once at another field I can’t remember. Memories of past Turkey Bowls always are rehashed as the day gets closer on the calendar and the emails between participants flow. There’s the time that I told Deep Cover that if he threw in my area that I’d intercept him and he did, so I did. There’s the other time I called aloud that I’d intercept him… so I did (he’s not a great quarterback, but c’mon – fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice…). There are countless deep balls, showboating, taunting, and some tackling in between. To prove we’re not discriminatory, women have played in the past – we are all inclusive.

So now it’s that time of year again.

Turkey Bowl fever.

I know I’ve got it.

Can't stop looking back

2005-11-02T12:51:00.000Z

I've realized I have a problem recently. I miss crap from my past too damn much. Anyone else have this problem?

What brought this on? Well, as some of you may know, I-66, Deep Cover, and myself are leaving the Sports Townhouse for various reasons, and I'm going to miss the place. There have been good memories here, be it Redskins, parties, dogs, and other general fun. Not unusual, but I take it too extremes.

I've had this problem with everything. I was actually sad when I graduated high school, if you can believe that. I was sad when I graduated from college. I was sad as a kid any time we moved. I remember that when I heard we were leaving, I would go and spend time into every room of the house, as if there were some tucked away corners I had neglected.

I've felt this way about jobs, co-workers, cars, Little League and old ratty clothes. What the hell is the matter with me? Someone at least tell me this is normal. I feel kind of like a sissy.

Burned up

2005-11-01T15:01:00.000Z

Wow. That was crap.

Defending MLS Champions DC United were ousted from the MLS Playoffs after a 4-0 stinker of a loss to Chicago Fire at RFK Stadium. I don’t even know where to begin as far as slinging around the blame, so instead let’s look ahead.

- Freddy Adu - You figure I had to start there. Shut your mouth and play. You’re not a superstar. You’re not even the best player on your own team. In the time you had on the field this season you didn’t do too terribly much. I’d like to see Freddy tryout for the World Cup side so he could maybe be humbled when Saint Bruce cuts him. There’s a reason he’s on the bench. This is a team, check your personal agenda at the door and play soccer.

- Defense – This needs to get better. I saw once on the MLS Power Rankings on espn.com someone write that Facundo Erpen “oozes class”. Um, I don’t think so. He oozes something, though.

- Christian Gomez – What happened to you in the playoffs? And who was that guy on the field wearing your jersey? Return to form next season, please.

- The Post has it that there will be some salary cap issues to get past this offseason. Jettisoning Freddy is the wrong move. It sends the message that the squeaky wheel gets the grease and in Freddy’s case I find that to be unacceptable.

Next season the DCU quest for a cup will begin again. In the meantime, how bout a stadium deal?

Week 8: Gold Rush

2005-10-28T14:28:00.000Z

So I hear Antonio Pierce is making a little noise about this one, and the Redskins supposedly having "lowballed" him on a contract offer. After this one, the lesson learned will be that the grass isn't always greener... especially when it's the Meadowlands and they don't even have real grass.

Week 8:

Jaguars at Rams (pick ‘em)
When Mike Furrey rolls out of bed, he turns off his alarm, puts on his slippers, and brushes his teeth – all without being down by contact… Pick: Jaguars

Redskins at Giants (-2)
If Tiki Barber can get tackled by the dude in the convenience store, what’s gonna happen against the Redskins defense?... Pick: Redskins

Vikings at Panthers (-8)
I want to make another cruise joke… but I just can’t… Pick: Panthers

Browns at Texans (-2)
Someone please explain to me how the only winless team left in the entire league is giving points? Even at home?... Pick: Browns

Packers at Bengals (-8)
Bengals management is having a dome installed overnight for Brett Favre… Pick: Bengals

Cardinals at Cowboys (-9)
Probably not, but this looks really good in print… Pick: Cardinals

Bears at Lions (-3)
Jeff Garcia, piloting the Lions one leg at a time… Pick: Lions

Raiders at Titans (pick ‘em)
Looks like that Raiders/Vikings trade is working out really great for both teams… Pick: Raiders

Chiefs at Chargers (-6)
The new streak starts now… Pick: Chargers

Dolphins at Saints (pick ‘em)
All week Ernie Conwell’s been holding things with two hands and close to his body… Pick: Dolphins

Buccaneers (-11) at 49ers
Happiest player on the field: Tim Rattay… Pick: Buccaneers

Eagles at Broncos (-4)
Yeah. Now let’s see what happens when Jake gets blitzed… Pick: Eagles

Bills at Patriots (-8)
Most Overrated and Perhaps Idiotic Return of the Year: Tedy Bruschi… Pick: Patriots

Ravens at Steelers (-9)
Steelers may cover the spread by scoring 10 points… Pick: Steelers

Last Week: 5-7-2

Season: 43-56-4

I guess he won...

2005-10-28T12:14:00.000Z

In case you missed it, a man won a million dollars at a CFL game between the Toronto Argonauts and Hamilton Tiger Cats by kicking a 50 yard field goal. ESPN says that the guy was chosen from 200000 entries at random, and was unsuccessful in kicking field goals at 20, 30, and 40 yards before knocking it through from 50. Now, the unlikelihood of Random Joe Fan being able to convert a field goal from 50 yards (considering that it’s not easy for a professional to do) aside, here’s the most bizarre part of the story – from the espn.com article:

[The fan, Brian] Diesbourg will be rewarded $25,000 per year for the next 40 years

Seriously? You couldn’t give it to the guy in a lump sum? Taxes are probably going to have their way with his winnings anyway, but c’mon, $25,000 per year for 40 years? 40 years is a long time – even for someone that’s 25 like this guy. Who’s to say he even lives that long?

Uh...

2005-10-27T12:16:00.000Z

I know you guys won the World Series and all, but THIS is ridiculous.

High Heel Drag Race

2005-10-26T11:38:00.000Z

Evidently rain is not enough to keep the determined away from a high heel drag race. The Captain and I headed into town to meet Rhinestone Cowgirl and take in the fun. The first destination of the night was Annie’s for food and a roof over our heads…

Highlights:

- RC and Captain trading a mozzarella stick for a mini-crabcake followed by RC sticking the mozzarella stick in the middle of her pile of mini-crabcakes which looked… rather… phallic. So the mozzarella stick was dipped in tartar sauce and placed like so…

- Only then is it discovered that RC has an aversion to all things mayonnaise. She hates it. So she wipes the tartar sauce off the mozzarella stick while The Captain explains that she can’t hate mayo as much as a regular food because it’s only a condiment, and that it’s like hating people and midgets – “because midgets are half the size of regular people, they only deserve half your hate.”

- RC eating the now wiped off mozzarella stick after dipping it in its own sauce and making a face after still tasting the tartar sauce

- A smoking hot dish was brought to a nearby table that began smoking up the room. For whatever reason, the sight of the guy sitting in front of it sweating and unable to go near the thing was hilarious to RC and me… but the kicker was her asking our server (keep in mind our proximity to Dupont) what the “flaming dish” was that the guy had.

So eventually we were pushed towards the door and into the elements in favor of people who evidently had reservations for the booths. So much for squatting. We moved on to a bar that I can’t remember the name of and went inside for liquid refreshment…

Highlights:

- Our stunning inability to collectively get the attention of any of the 3 bartenders at work.

- Being denied Red-Headed Sluts (presumably for all the work it takes to make one) and RC subsequently ordering tequila for herself and me – despite my absolute displeasure for the stuff.

- Me taking the shot anyway.

- Me being angry with RC for the next 20 minutes.

- The two shots and The Captain’s drink costing $27 in total. $27!!!

We headed back outside under the roof before determining that there was an hour left until the actual race… so we headed back to RC’s to be warm and dry. We weren’t there long but did manage to squeeze in my front-to-back rendition of Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-a-Lot after a verse of Now That We’ve Found Love by Heavy D and The Boyz and headed back to 17th St…

evidently I look good as a blond

this just screams hate and tequila contempt

By the time we got there the crowd was huge and we didn’t actually see much of the race. The Captain and I lifted RC so she could get a better view, and while The Captain had ideas of lifting her to our shoulders he kindly neglected to apprise me of his plan… so RC sat lopsidedly upon us for a few moments before being set back down. We set off to find drag queens who were picture-friendly (which pretty much was all of them)...

they're racing in there somewhere...

"...um... you're a 49er and everything, but I'm sure you won't find any gold there"

Good times... Good times...

Thank you, United States Government

2005-10-24T20:18:00.000Z

I'll be one of the first to say I'm often disappointed in our nations goverment, but they got this one right.

Now understand, I have nothing against fat people, or the obese. At one point in my life, I would have qualified as overweight myself. You know who I blamed during that period of time? Me...face to face, mirror to mirror. It is incomprehensible to me that others can't do the same.

It angries up my blood when I see another story of parents who are suing McDonald's or another fast food joint because their kid is fat. They claim they've been lied to, that there should be nutritional information on the food, etc. I don't watch too much T.V., but can someone honestly tell me a commercial has ever aired, anywhere, that said "McDonald's is healthy for you and will contribute to a long life?" You can't, because it doesn't happen.

Other countries laugh at us for our obesity problem, and they have every right to do it, although I gather some countries in Europe are starting to catch up to us. There isn't enough self blame in this country, and that needs to change. If you're overweight, and you want to lose some, then do it. Here's a list of things I don't want to hear:

1. My genetics are poor...You know what, tough. God isn't under any obligation to deal you the same hand Michael Phelps or Amanda Beard got. I've read in multiple publications that more than 90% of bad genetics can be overcome by exercising frequently and eating better. My own genetics are as bad as you can get, but I don't let it stop me. It's willpower people. I'm almost positive that most people who say this are also making frequent trips to Wendy's. Bad genetics is a crutch excuse.

2. I don't have the time to work out...Also B.S. I'll bet you have time for 24, or House, or whatever else. Unless you work 14 hours a day (assuming eight hours of sleep plus commute time, there's time to work out.) Get your priorities straight. What's more important to you? Living a normal lifespan, perhaps longer, or finding out who wins Survivor?

3. I'm intimidated by gyms...There's plenty of home workout equipment available. Besides which, think about it this way. Everyone of those muscle guys, or slim women you see in the gym, started out the same way. Maybe not overweight necessarily, but normal looking. They had to work to get the way they are. It all begins with sticking with it.

There is so much available to you. Take a spinning class here. Go for a run with this paradigm of fitness. At least one blogger I was aware of, the D.C. Diet Diva, was taking her fight online, but I believe her blog is gone now. Unfortunate, I was interested in her progress.

I've got a little to lose, which will be taken care of this winter. Notice the mindset there, "WILL BE TAKEN CARE OF." Not, "I want to..." or "I hope..." it's "I WILL." Little changes like that make a big difference in how successful you are. Rather than making excuses, get up and get started. Seriously, how many skinny, in shape people do you hear lamenting "Man, if only I was fatter." None that I know of. How many out of shape, overweight people do you hear saying the opposite? Come on, no one wants to be overweight, not deep down. It all starts with you and a mirror, and your willingness to shoulder the blame, rather than trying to get rich off successful businesses.

I challenge any of you out there reading to get started. Show me some progress over the next 4-6 months, and I'll buy you a drink or two at the next Happy Hour. Liquor of course, it has less calories.

*********************************

I have officially removed the Cleveland Park Men's Club from our links. This is not out of any particular dislike for their group. It would be hard to dislike anyone I haven't met in person (except The Milkman, who was quite affable, but is no longer a part of the group.) However, with the passing of their blog, I see no reason to stay linked to a site which is twisting the knife.

I understand there has been a lot of tension within the D.C. blog scene between them and others, and I don't claim to have any knowledge of the events that lead up to it. I won't pass judgement on who deserves what. I don't personally feel that the parody sites, such as the Gay Men's Club, are necessary or deserved, but that's up to the writer of that site to decide.

Aside from the Milkman, my only other real interaction came from The Chef and Miss Penny Lane, who were instrumental in helping me finalize how I would propose to my now-fiancee. For that I will never speak an unkind word of them, and I still owe them drinks should they ever decide to cash in.

To "The Senator", who we shared some football discussion with, and the others who I never met, good luck with your Rat-Pack lifestyle, as was described on DCB. Hopefully the anger caused will eventually go away. Until then, good luck in whatever you choose to do.